This weekend has been rather quiet, last Thursday I had my final cataract removed. It has been awesome to finally be able to see with both eyes reasonably well and to just be aware of the world around me. I'm so taken by the beautiful colors I'm surrounded by and so thankful that I'm able to see it again...especially when there was a period of time not long ago that I was afraid I would be blind forever.
On top of this, the poor eyesight played a huge factor in my loss of self-confidence. I couldn't drive. I honestly think it played a huge factor in my lack of esteem in the dating realm too. I couldn't see when men were expressing interest orr I missed cues that told me otherwise.
It was just a sad existence. I couldn't read. While I could watch TV, it was frustrating because it was like watching it through a very dirty and smudged window
Needless to say I am overjoyed.
Yesterday morning, Steven came over. Our schedules have been wacky, but yesterday turned out to be a very special day with him that taught me some valuable things. First, I was really glad to see him. When the doorbell rang and I could see this tall and beautiful man in his pale yellow polo shirt (my favorite) exhibiting that magnificent chest....aw I melted. Not from wanton lust...not from the carnal perspective. But, rather, it was from a place of genuine affection. I think my heart nearly went in to a-fib at the sight of this beautiful man.
Through the glass of the storm door, there he was, with his cute, boyish grin. I opened the door...and allowed him to come in.....shut it behind him...and there he was! I grabbed him...he grabbed me and kissed me tenderly. Then he held me close.
It was a very special moment.
I ushered him to the living room...and we cuddled on the couch and caught up...in between hugs, squeezes, and an occasional kiss.
We then drove to my church. It was his first time. It was my first time to attend with a special man. I didn't know quite how to act. I felt like a giddy teenager. I introduced him to several of my friends. Some of the ladies at my church whispered their approval.
We wandered into the sanctuary and found a seat. During the service, Steven would reach over and take my hand...give i a squeeze....then just tenderly hold it. Somewhere during the sermon, his hand released and his arm wrapped around my shoulder and he pulled me in close to him and there I was nestled into Steven's side. I felt like a dead battery that had just been put into a recharging unit...and I felt that surge...of reconstituted and refreshed energy.
Following the service, we decided to drive from Fairfax, VA into Washington DC to check out the National Gallery of Art. The boy knows his art...and I marveled at his knowledge and all that he taught me.
After several hours, we grew hungry. We found food and got a perfect table where we could sit and talk privately.
Keep in mind, dear friends, that dating is new to me. The only person I have ever dated was Lovey.
In gay terms, I come from a background of where guys want to first get naked, do the deed, get dressed and then, if you're lucky, they want to get to know you.
With Steven there is indeed a sexual chemistry. It transcends the "white hot" boiling chemistry that marks so many gay "relationships."
What we have surpasses all that. It has depth. It has all the traits of being something to last over the long haul.
We sat for an hour...and we talked about many issues. He even covered issues he said later, that were truly things he has never been able to discuss with anyone else. I did he same.
He and I met over 1 month ago. This is different, something real, warm and personal ignited. Sitting with him and talking about his hopes and dreams....and sharing my hopes and dreams -- all feel like coming home.
I'm enjoying the simple pleasures of the ride. Aw...the destination will take care of itself.
I am so thankful to have this beautiful man in my life.
Monday, September 28, 2015
Saturday, September 26, 2015
Recovering
Greetings all!
Things have been quite busy at my house the last couple of weeks. Unexpectedly, my cataract surgery was bumped up several weeks to this past Thursday. I had all kinds of medical appointments to attend to and trying to get work done at my office so that I could be off due to my recovery period. On top of this, I got notice that I needed to have a home appraisal done, so that I can refinance my mortgage to 3.7% from 8.5%. Simply amazing. So the appraisal got done yesterday. (We finished some renovations a week ago that make the house really stand tall.) The appraiser commented on how beautiful the house is so that makes me feel great.
On the dating front, I'm still with Steven. We communicate several times every day. Tomorrow I get to spend some significant time with him in person. He says he is coming to my church...and then we're going to do lunch....then perhaps a movie...or some cuddle time. Who knows?
Having this wonderful person in my life has taught me several things. I don't feel that furtive need to find a sex partner. I don't feel the need to go to those sex parties. I've even toyed with the idea of deleting my Match.Com profile, my Sulverdaddies profile, my SCRUFF, GRINDR, and GROWLR accounts...and most of all the Daddy Hunt one.
There is just no need...not with this wonderful man in my life.
My hormonal urges appear in check. I now wake up in the morning and really feel like I matter to one other person on the planet. So, God knows. It has been a very long night of loneliness, longing...and deep need.
I think those days are over. My health has taken a turn for the better...my sugars are improved....my A1C readings are great.....and my cataracts are history. I can see!
Please keep the positive energy flowing in my direction....and keep those prayers coming.
Frank is very happy!
Things have been quite busy at my house the last couple of weeks. Unexpectedly, my cataract surgery was bumped up several weeks to this past Thursday. I had all kinds of medical appointments to attend to and trying to get work done at my office so that I could be off due to my recovery period. On top of this, I got notice that I needed to have a home appraisal done, so that I can refinance my mortgage to 3.7% from 8.5%. Simply amazing. So the appraisal got done yesterday. (We finished some renovations a week ago that make the house really stand tall.) The appraiser commented on how beautiful the house is so that makes me feel great.
On the dating front, I'm still with Steven. We communicate several times every day. Tomorrow I get to spend some significant time with him in person. He says he is coming to my church...and then we're going to do lunch....then perhaps a movie...or some cuddle time. Who knows?
Having this wonderful person in my life has taught me several things. I don't feel that furtive need to find a sex partner. I don't feel the need to go to those sex parties. I've even toyed with the idea of deleting my Match.Com profile, my Sulverdaddies profile, my SCRUFF, GRINDR, and GROWLR accounts...and most of all the Daddy Hunt one.
There is just no need...not with this wonderful man in my life.
My hormonal urges appear in check. I now wake up in the morning and really feel like I matter to one other person on the planet. So, God knows. It has been a very long night of loneliness, longing...and deep need.
I think those days are over. My health has taken a turn for the better...my sugars are improved....my A1C readings are great.....and my cataracts are history. I can see!
Please keep the positive energy flowing in my direction....and keep those prayers coming.
Frank is very happy!
Monday, September 14, 2015
And Now For Some Really Good News...
Some of you have been quite critical of me lately. I've received some mild "nasty grams" concerning my whining about my lack of love....some of you have made me feel like a piece of pond scum because of my descriptions of attending sex parties, and then I've been criticized for "deceiving my wife" about my gayness....and then trying to have my "cake and eating it too." The list goes on and on and on.
So, as I have said from the outset of this blog, its purpose is not to make me look good. It's not to airbrush me into some unrecognizable giant of perfection. I try to be honest here...and sometimes it ain't pretty.
This blog has also taught me that I can't make everyone happy....and its' purpose is not to do that. It's just the story of my journey. Take it or leave it. I'm a big boy and will cope somehow if you choose to leave.
And Now For Some Really Good News...
On August 22, I met a guy. His name is Steven. When I met him, I just assumed it was just one of those meetings where everyone is pleasant and kind.... He asked for my telephone number and I gave it to him.
God knows I have done that a few times! All to no avail.
So, all this is translated into the feeling that it was good while it lasted....but he's never gonna call or text.
Wrong!
We met up on Labor Day Weekend and spent a hunk of time together. I took him to dinner. Then things kind of took a different turn. He became a bit vulnerable and told me of some of his hurts and failures. He shared with me his hopes and dreams.
Something clicked somewhere deep inside me.
Now remember, I'm jaded. I've been around the block several hundred times. I'm the pond scum that goes to the sex parties. I've been vilified for having a profile on MATCH.COM. Told I was too old for Grindr, Growlr, Scruff, and MRX. I've whined and cried about how lonely I am....and how much I want someone to love.
And sitting across from me is the beautiful hunk of man....being all vulnerable and explaining that he's afraid to let his guard down.
Boy, I can relate to that one.
Dinner lasted for quite some time. I hung on every word.
By the end of the evening I was smitten. AND...apparently there were some stirrings deep with in him as well.
After that evening, there has been daily contact. Calls, texts, emails.
On Friday evening, he wrote such a beautiful email to me, that it brought tears to my eyes. It was just that profound. Several emails that evening. Then a final text.
"Hey, would you go with me hiking this weekend?"
"Yes, of course!" I said.
So plans were made. I met him at the appointed spot at 9am on Sunday morning. There he was. Nice t-shirt...exhibiting his wonderful chest. My heart nearly jumped out of my chest. He approached me. He's a bit taller than me....and he wrapped his big arms around me....drew me to that wonderful chest....then lifted my chin up to look into his eyes....and he put me in a tight, passionate lip lock....right there in the parking lot...in front of God, the deer, the squirrels, and everybody else.
We commenced our hike. He held my hand. Every so often he would stop, turn to me and wrap me in those massive hugs.....and another massive lip lock.
Finally we found a quiet spot....by a small lake.... A nice bench. We cuddled up close. Held hands.... Like going through the many layers of an onion, he began to reveal himself. I did the same....and we sat there basking in the wonder of it all for a solid hour. We shared a kiss or two....holding hands.....arm around each other in a tender embrace.
There were no blow jobs in the weeds. No humping in the forest.
Just two men walking together side by side and expressing deep simple affection. Getting to know each other on a very intimate level.
It's one thing to have fireworks in the sack....but for me, the true gauge of a relationship or a potential relationship is what happens when you're not in bed.
In this case, it was the world series...and the home team scored nothing but home runs.
After we parted some 4 miles later....and we'd both gotten home, he wrote me.... He referred to me as his boyfriend.
"Did you really mean to say that?" (This was because he said that he wanted to move slow...) He wrote back, "I did. And I meant it, so there!"
This was music to my ears.
So, as I have said from the outset of this blog, its purpose is not to make me look good. It's not to airbrush me into some unrecognizable giant of perfection. I try to be honest here...and sometimes it ain't pretty.
This blog has also taught me that I can't make everyone happy....and its' purpose is not to do that. It's just the story of my journey. Take it or leave it. I'm a big boy and will cope somehow if you choose to leave.
And Now For Some Really Good News...
On August 22, I met a guy. His name is Steven. When I met him, I just assumed it was just one of those meetings where everyone is pleasant and kind.... He asked for my telephone number and I gave it to him.
God knows I have done that a few times! All to no avail.
So, all this is translated into the feeling that it was good while it lasted....but he's never gonna call or text.
Wrong!
We met up on Labor Day Weekend and spent a hunk of time together. I took him to dinner. Then things kind of took a different turn. He became a bit vulnerable and told me of some of his hurts and failures. He shared with me his hopes and dreams.
Something clicked somewhere deep inside me.
Now remember, I'm jaded. I've been around the block several hundred times. I'm the pond scum that goes to the sex parties. I've been vilified for having a profile on MATCH.COM. Told I was too old for Grindr, Growlr, Scruff, and MRX. I've whined and cried about how lonely I am....and how much I want someone to love.
And sitting across from me is the beautiful hunk of man....being all vulnerable and explaining that he's afraid to let his guard down.
Boy, I can relate to that one.
Dinner lasted for quite some time. I hung on every word.
By the end of the evening I was smitten. AND...apparently there were some stirrings deep with in him as well.
After that evening, there has been daily contact. Calls, texts, emails.
On Friday evening, he wrote such a beautiful email to me, that it brought tears to my eyes. It was just that profound. Several emails that evening. Then a final text.
"Hey, would you go with me hiking this weekend?"
"Yes, of course!" I said.
So plans were made. I met him at the appointed spot at 9am on Sunday morning. There he was. Nice t-shirt...exhibiting his wonderful chest. My heart nearly jumped out of my chest. He approached me. He's a bit taller than me....and he wrapped his big arms around me....drew me to that wonderful chest....then lifted my chin up to look into his eyes....and he put me in a tight, passionate lip lock....right there in the parking lot...in front of God, the deer, the squirrels, and everybody else.
We commenced our hike. He held my hand. Every so often he would stop, turn to me and wrap me in those massive hugs.....and another massive lip lock.
Finally we found a quiet spot....by a small lake.... A nice bench. We cuddled up close. Held hands.... Like going through the many layers of an onion, he began to reveal himself. I did the same....and we sat there basking in the wonder of it all for a solid hour. We shared a kiss or two....holding hands.....arm around each other in a tender embrace.
There were no blow jobs in the weeds. No humping in the forest.
Just two men walking together side by side and expressing deep simple affection. Getting to know each other on a very intimate level.
It's one thing to have fireworks in the sack....but for me, the true gauge of a relationship or a potential relationship is what happens when you're not in bed.
In this case, it was the world series...and the home team scored nothing but home runs.
After we parted some 4 miles later....and we'd both gotten home, he wrote me.... He referred to me as his boyfriend.
"Did you really mean to say that?" (This was because he said that he wanted to move slow...) He wrote back, "I did. And I meant it, so there!"
This was music to my ears.
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