As a gay and almost single man, It recently occurred to me, what's next? What's the next step for me, a 47 year old gay guy, with three grown children, a dog, and a house in a suburb of a very large city?
I suppose I could "play the field" and see what's out there...or I could just plod along at a very slow pace analyzing all my options.
Do I continue in the church I have come to love?
Do I leave and look for a more gay-friendly, reconciling congregation?
Do I make any grand pronouncements at church? at work?
Do I pursue another fulltime relationship?
Do I look for other female companionship?
Or...do I just stop? Take 10 deep breaths?
There are a number of positive things that have happened as a result of my crumbling marriage. It has made me have to emerge from my comfort zone and reach out. I've had to reach out to other people...other wonderful men in my situation...both online and off. I've made friends. This is an art that I thought I had lost.
I'm learning to enjoy my alone time -- another lost art. I'm actually writing this from a hotel room in New York City. If I had been here five years ago, I would be climbing the walls....I'd feel so out of place... But today I feel very comfortable...and yes, glimmers of genuine happiness!
So many questions....wonderment.....(is that a word?)...what does my future hold?
Only time will tell...
1 comment:
Frank:
I have considered the question that you pose “what do I do next” many times in my struggles; especially “what would I do next if I were to be in your shoes” marriage dissolving due to the revelation of my sexual orientation. Of course, only you can answer these questions for yourself, so I do not know if it will help you in you deliberation, but my answers to your questions are:
“Do I continue in the church I have come to love?” Yes I will continue in the church that I have come to love, but I work with the movement that exists within the denomination to move it toward reconciling.
“Do I leave and look for a more gay-friendly, reconciling congregation?” I would only leave if the church will not allow my presence and work for inclusion of all of God’s children.
“Do I make any grand pronouncements at church? at work?” For me, grand pronouncements are not needed; just no longer hide the facts. When the subject of ones spouse/relationship comes up, and it will, just be honest.
“Do I pursue another fulltime relationship?” I would allow for another fulltime relationship, (while I remain married – another fulltime relationship is precluded) and by placing myself in activities that I enjoy with other gay men a relationship may well develop, but to pursue as in “I MUST find one or I will never be complete”, no – I can be complete just as I am.
“Do I look for other female companionship?” I have developed several female friends since I have come to grips with who I am, but none of the hold the slightest erotic interest – in fact most of them are lesbians.
“Or...do I just stop? Take 10 deep breaths?” I do that every hour, it really makes a difference.
You are on a marvelous adventure in self discovery; allow it to be an adventure, rather than a forced march to someone else's destination.
Rick
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