The wind is blowing.
The rain comes in sheets…and is bone chilling to the touch.
Car headlights are just glare in the cold blackness.
It’s Thanksgiving Eve.
As I’ve said several times, I don’t try to gloss over what I’m feeling….I let it all hang out there – good and bad.
The last few weeks have not been easy. I’m not sure why. I just have been depressed – saddened to the bone.
It’s a lot like a summer thunderstorm. The white puffy clouds begin to fuse and darken on the horizon. Wind starts to blow…gentle at first….but it grows. The rumble of thunder builds and builds…until finally the entire fury of the storm strikes.
This depression has not been good. I felt it coming…yet I was powerless to avert it. Oh, I tried, but there it was, and it stayed a long while. The fog came. The mourning….the guilt…..the profound sadness….the loneliness….the pain – all longtime companions found their way into my mind.
So here I sit…in the gloominess of this cold, and rainy eve…on the other side of this depression. Somehow I have pulled myself up…and I’m making some progress. I’m pleased with myself. In spite of things that could be taken as negative, I’m not.
I’m not joining “them” for Thanksgiving Dinner – my choice. Oh, Mom O’Lovey made it a point to say how much she wanted me to be a part of the celebration and she seemed genuinely saddened by my gracious turndown. My presence at such gatherings only puts Lovey on edge…or so I hear. Plus, given all the “guests” at this year’s gathering, there’s gonna be more than enough drama. After nearly 25 years, I’m longing to be drama-free.
So, what am I doing you might ask?
Me and #1 are having a quiet Thanksgiving Dinner with all the trimmings at my house, by ourselves mid-day. Originally I had planned to go visit my parents, but beause #1 wanted to stay here to join “them” for their evening celebration, I just wasn’t in the mood to drive all that distance alone.
Further, #2 couldn’t join me in WV from Tennessee. She’s coming down to the wire for the end of her studies…and she’s got a paper she simply has to finish. AND…the Marine has plans away from home this year…
So, I’m warm….I’m safe…..I’m dry….on this cold, rainy, black, Thanksgiving Eve.
And I’m Thankful!
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