To All of My Readers

A number of you have asked how I'm doing. Let me assure you that today I seem to have bounced back to something proximating normal. I was at work today and was so busy, I hardlly had a moment to look up. Just the kind of day I enjoy having.

I also have heard from a very special friend -- a fellow blogger named BIGG. (Please hit the link in my links section to MY CONFESSIONS.) He's a fellow traveler that is undergoing treatment for an aggressive form of cancer. I think of him very often. In a lot of ways, his journey somewhat mirrors mine. Please take a moment and go to his site....and read the entries and send him a note of encouragement.

I'm sure he would appreciate a kind word, your prayers and thoughts as he goes through chemo.

Bigg reads this blog all the time......so I just want to say to him, "We love you....and are thinking about you. Here's a BIG HUG."

Sometimes I become so self absorbed with my own day-to-day dramas, that I sometimes forget about others. Does this make me a narcissist? I pray not. If it comes across that way, I apologize to all of you, because this plainly isn't me. I spend a lot of time in prayer and thought about a lot of you.....and especially Bigg.

It is my prayer that Bigg recovers quickly from this trial......and that he is able to live a happy and fulfilled life.

Onto another thought....

It has now been two weeks since I went on the retreat. I just can't believe the impact those few days has had upon my spiritual journey. I am praying that God will open the correct doors.....and tht I will be sensitive to them when they swing open. You see, I feel that God is nudging me into ministry.

When I think about this, I shudder, because I really don't want to be anything like LOVEY. She has been obsessed with her ministry. I don't want to be that way. I want so much for it to be a healthy part of my life. But I'm clueless as to how I should begin. I can't afford to go to school at the moment. I need for God to really work out the financial end of things.....and to open the correct doors.

This past Sunday, I spoke to my pastor about all this. She is will to pray for me...and to share how MCC handles ministerial "seekers."

I am such a crybaby....I cried as I talked to her about needing to speak in depth with her. I'm tearing up now as I think about all this. It's going to be such a big step for me.

But, one thing I need to remember: ministry can take on many forms. It doesn't have to be ordination/pastoral/Sunday Sermonlike. God can open up many avenues of ministry. I just need to wait for him to open the right doors.

I suppose one of the things I learned not to do from Lovey is that she would not necessarily wait for the doors to open. She'd go from door to door and wrattle the knob and twisting them.....and even kicking some of the doors down. But you could never tell Lovey to wait upon the Lord. She always had to do things her way....NOW.

Another thing I've noticed about myself.....since going through the divorce thing.....and finding the MCC church...... I've got a tremendous love for people. It is powerful.....it is strong.....it is deep...... I never want to come across as phony or shallow. What I feel in my heart towards others.....especially other gay men who have travelled my road.........is especially powerful. I want so much to be a blessing to them. I also want to be a blessing to regular folks off the street. I want to live in the light of God's love.....and when people come into my presence, I want them to feel the love of God.

This is quite a long way from my being the shy and backward person I used to be.

We'll see what happens.

Stay tuned.