A New Year Has Begun!

It has been a very long while since I wrote consistently here. I apologize for this...but I have been so very, very busy. Beginning in November, it seemed that I had nonstop company. Mostly my kids arrived...and then I had other friends to crash here at the Manse. It's good to have people in....but I am finding that it is even better to finally be alone again.

I have been very amused and amazed at how things are working out for me. I mean after all the drama of the past 3-4 years, it is so refreshing to have a somewhat boring life...and to have lots of friends....and to just go about the business of day-to-day living.

I spent exceedingly quality time with all the kids. Each one of them went with me to church...I mean...my church. I didn't make a big deal of it. I didn't beg...or plead or even ask -- come to think of it. I just found that when Sunday morning rolled around, I got up and while I was drinking my coffee, I heard the sound of water running as they took their shower....and before I knew it they came bounding down the stairs to say, "Dad, I'm ready for church."

One thing bothered me during this holiday season....and I guess on some levels it is really none of my business. Still I'm troubled. The kids had very little to do with Lovey. There was great pressure put upon each of them by the O'Lovey's to spend more quality time with their mother, to which they all responded by saying that they were not driving the 90 miles or so to visit her. She would have to come to them. She said that coming to my house made her uncomfortable. Again, that's not my problem. Still in speaking with the kids one on one..I detect a lot of issues....a lot of sadness.....and in one case, total disillusionment with their mom. You see, one of them found out that Lovey was not entirely truthful about her financial standings during the separation and divorce. Approximately 6 months she received a sizeable payment from her dad's estate, and didn't tell anyone about it. Even during the settlement of our divorce, she never disclosed this.

So I got quizzed very thoroughly about the money.....and the child telling me this was shocked to find that I knew nothing about it. Further, that child then apologized for telling me all that and it was not her goal to "hurt me."

My response pretty much sums up the way things are going for me at this point in my life.

I said, "Your mother hurt me really badly during the separation and divorce by her many hostile actions that made no sense. She cannot hurt me anymore. This neither hurts me, nor surprises me."

So, as in most of the actions concerning Lovey...I pledge to take the high road. I have no desire to open old wounds and trying to achieve parity with the sum of money she got...and the fact that she never disclosed any of it...well....she can keep it.

My children also voiced their fears that their mother and I might reconcile. It's a sad state of affairs when your children tell a divorced spouse that they are afraid of and do not want you to reconcile with the other parent! Again, my response was very revealing about where I am now in terms of how I'm handling things. I said, "I have no desire to enter into any relationship with your mother or to remarry her. The only reason I have any contact with her now is because I have to as a result of the fact we had children together. So on family occasions I have to deal with it. But, I don't desire any friendship or anything."

Is this spectacular growth or what?

I am excited about the prospects of a new year. I am no longer worried about whether or not I will have a special person to share it with. Oh, I'd love to spend time with someone, but with my friends and my children's lives....I am quite content.

Happy New Year to each of you! And thanks for taking time out to read my blog.