Reflections on My LIfe

Ok...I'm in a dark place this evening. And all of you who read this blog with any regularity know why.

So, as I sit here in my parents' home, I'm feeling VERY alone. The loss of the warmth of my mother's presence has just left this place with such a hollowness that is hard to describe.

As I have thought about all that is going on...and about the stuff that needs to be done....I wonder why this is happening now. Over the past 5 years, as I have emerged from one crisis...I find myself totally enveloped by the mist of yet another one.

Three weeks ago, I was sitting on mom and dad's front porche on a hot early fall day. Mom was feeling well...and a bit wistful.

"It's coming," she said bluntly.

We both knew what she meant.

"And it is a lot closer than either of us know."

"Are you frightened?" I asked.

"Not really," she answered quietly. "It's a new adventure. The only thing I realize is that I have never done this before and I don't know what to expect. When I have been frightened by the unknown, after whatever it was that I was afraid of was over, I looked back and realized the fears were silly! I think this is going to be the same."

"How do you feel?" I asked.

"I feel like I am divorcing my body," she answered. "It's hard to explain."

She knew and she was calm.

I looked over at her and said, "Mom...you know I have been through a whole lot of drama over the past few years right?"

"You sure have." She smiled.

"Well, when you arrive at your final destination, is there anyway you could put in a good word for me up there and ask them if they could lighten up on me some?"

"You got it," she said. "I will look in on you and see what I can do to make your life easier."

She squeezed my hand.

I squeezed back.

"I love you," I told her.

"You too!"

She smiled again.