Where Do I Go From Here?

When one is an only child, one contemplates the death of parents almost from day one. I was always afraid of being left as an orphan...a helpless, lonely orphan. In my childhood, I always had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when my parents would go on trips...or we would be in the car together. My mind would always picture them not coming back....or us having an automobile accident where I would be the only survivor.

It was scary.

As I have grown into adulthood, I had backup plans in place. I thought I would have my wife standing nearby to help me through the bad times. When one parent died... I thought I would have the support of the other parent until they died.

I thought my dad would always be the first to leave, and that Mom would live to a very, very old age and perhaps live with me.

But then 2005 happened....my wife became my ex. Mother was the first diagnosed with cancer. She died first and in the process of her dying, Dad, too was stricken with cancer. His mental state was not the best and he started suffering from dementia. He had to move in with me and was unable to care for himself...or his finances....or his house. He was like an orphan...and I was the parent. I cared for him until the very end.

Then he died...and now I am left as an adult, helpless and lonely orphan.

Oh, I did have the support of my children....and yes, the ex-wife did show some compassion.

But I have had to make a lot of heavy decisions...ALONE.

The gay thing has also been at work in a bizarre sort of way.

So here I am, trying to sort out the little things: what am I going to do with my parents' belongings, the house, the antiques, the china collection, the furniture, the coin collection -- all the stuff that my parents held precious and priceless.

I am surrounded by countless friends who mean the world to me. They call me to find out how I am doing. They support me through the good and bad times.

God has been faithful.

A group of my church friends are traveling to my WV house on Labor Day to help me.

I can't believe it.

I am learning to accept care....and love....and help...with out that old WV pride intervening.

I am also learning what it means to be a good friend. Gosh, I hope I have been as good to others as they are being to me at this time in my life. I will definitely pay all this forward.