What Is It?

Meanwhile, there is another man in the wings...

I actually think he could be "the one." I mean, I have some real deep feelings for him. He is the one guy that makes me think "marriage" again.

But there are some problems.

His name is Bob.

But that's not one of the problems.

First, he is a pastor of a very large affirming church here in the area. He is single and he is out....and everyone is cool with that.

I met him at a Gay Pride Event in 2010. I liked him as a friend...and we've talked a bit...and emailed....and all that. After about a year, I felt this little tug at my heart strings. So, rather than pine away like have done in the past, I decided to man up and just tell him how I felt. To my dismay, he thanked me but he just doesn't date people in his church.

I pointed out that I'm not in his church....and have no plans of joining his church....that I only came to visit a couple of times to hear him....and support him. He grew wistful...then alluded to how he met the love of his life at church....and since that relationship ended....that's probably why he has not found the caliber of relationship he's looking for because he's looked outside his faith.

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

But I took the hint....told him that I could love him from a distance....and that was that. I felt stupid...and told myself..."Well, that we certainly did a good job at wrecking that friendship."

Since that time a few interesting things have happened:

We have gone from having dinner every other month, to monthly, to weekly, to now several nights per week...we talk about everything under the sun....He used to email perhaps once a week....then that moved to texting once every few days to once per day......now it is several times per day. We exchange texts all during the day. The last thing at night he tells me good night or to rest well or to have pleasant dreams.

We have gone from shaking hands....to shaking hands with a hug to outright fullbody bearhugs with a slight hold. When we part after dinner it has gone from a simple goodbye to a handshake and goodbye to a handshake with a hug cheek to cheek...to hug and a kiss on the cheek that keeps migrating to my mouth.

We have a special place we go to along the river to sit and talk....and to pray together.

He came to my house for Thanksgiving....and brought me a small gift. He satayed for over 8 hours....and made himself totally at ease. We've planned a getaway following Christmas. He's given me various stuff...including a book of poetry that he likes.

Finally, the most interesting thing is whenever I am at his church...we are always very discreet....no one knows about our friendship. I gave him a rainbow stole and journal for his birthday....and he goes on and on about that.....and at very special events...he has the stole on! At the conclusion of the service, the church has a theme song they like to close with. It's one that encourages holding the hand of your neighbor....before dismissal. Well, two times now, when the music for that theme song starts, he comes down of the stage and seeks me out. He will then hold my hand...giving it several squeezes before breaking free and offering a closing prayer.

So, even though I am not sure what the destination is....I am certainly enjoying the journey with him.

But nothing physical.....nothing talked about.......our friendship has not been labeled. I am not forcing that issue. It just feels so good to be in his presence.

So we shall see.

I don't know what to call this that I have with him.