So having ridden quite a roller coaster during the previous 12 months, I am happy to report that I am alive and well -- even though I've experienced joys of the mountain top experience of love, and now I'm smack dab in the middle of the valley of what could be sadness and despair at having lost him.
I spent this entire week focused on my duties as a dad in Nashville TN, overseeing all the odds and ends of wedding preparation for my youngest daughter and writing the checks that needed to be written, since I'm the Father of the Bride.
While there, my phone continually vibrated with interested men in the area who wrote me via the various phone apps that I have on my phone to meet other gay men. Although a part of me really wanted to connect with someone....and have a time where I could feel wanted for a few moments, I didn't act on it. I did have some great conversations with some really nice guys who all said they wished I lived there. They all said that they are looking for the same things I'm looking for and that I appeared to fit the bill. At least that is what they said. But we all know how that goes. Online, one can become overpowered with hormonal lust and you're liable to say anything in order to crawl into bed and do the deed.
After Stan, I've sadly grown cynical. I don't trust anything that is said to me in such moments. All I can say is that based on the positive feedback I received, apparently I'm not ready for the rest home just yet.
So now I'm trying to decide what I'm going to do. Am I going to continue looking for a mate...or should I just hang it all up and take advantage of a mindless, meaningless, mechanical hook up when needs warrant it? Right now I am just focusing on my grandson, who returns to his mommy this weekend. I'm going to be staying at Great Wolf Lodge in Williamsburg Thursday and Friday nights. Then head to Roanoke Rapids, NC on Saturday to drop off the little guy.
Then it is back home to get ready for church on Sunday and work on Monday.
And Summer is almost over....
2 comments:
I have stumbled upon your blog. I have read some of your posts, though not all, as you have been blogging for a long time! I hope you are doing well after your up and down roller coaster ride. I am going through a divorce myself, struggling to find myself and to decide on my next path. Writing is therapeutic, thanks for sharing your story. It is good to know that there are other people out there that have similar stories.
Hi McPersonalspace54!
I'm sorry to have been neglectful of this blog....but I have returned and hopefully will return to regular blogging! There are indeed many of us living on this journey. Being gay is not an easy task....but I've found it manageable. Feel free to write me back....
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