Thoughts on Pride....

Today was the big GAY PRIDE festival in DC. That's out country artist Chely Right to the left. Yeah, that's an original picture that I took! Guess you could say that I'm improving my technique.

Last night was the big PRIDE PARADE.

I went to both and let me tell you...I had a BALL!

I look at it as a celebration of the man that God made me to be. I get to see the community in all its diversity. I also observe that I'm not the only one like me...and there is tremendous affirmation in knowing that.

One thing that touched me was a group of teenagers who marched by in last night's parade. There they were....laughing and proud of the fact that they knew who they are...and are not ashamed. AND...they have their whole lives ahead of them.

Today I mingled with all the good folks in my denomination. We had a booth and handed out fliers and stickers and all kinds of "stuff". I got to meet a lot of the ministers in my area that I did not know. It just felt great.

One older gentleman who had been partnered over 50 years when his partner died from cancer a few years ago....was handing out church stuff to all the folks who came by....and he told me that this was his first PRIDE!

Today during all the celebrating....an older couple went to the RAINBOW STAGE. One of the men helped his partner lovingly with his walker. There they stood, a bit stoop shouldered, but they told their story to all those assebled. They met each other 30 years ago today. Do you know what they did in front of all of us? They had a pastor there and they married each other! They were over joyed. Not a dry eye was left in those who witnessed it.

Near the conclusion of the pride celebration today and just before headliner, Chely Wright took the stage, the host invited them to the main stage on Pennsylvania Avenue. There in front of the hundreds or so people present, under a brilliant blue sky, with the white Capitol Building gleaming behind them, they were presented publicly for the first time as a MARRIED couple. The crowd erupted into cheers.

Oh there were the extremists present too.....the ones running around in leather jock straps......or in speedos that barely covered the important parts. Their were the drag queens....and the muscle gods..... But there were regular guys like me.....and older guys like the ones I mentioned......and we were there to celebrate our lives.

I keep hoping to one day have a partner.... One that I can walk down Pennsylvania Avenue on Pride day and hold his hand....or kiss him in front of the main stage...or just sit and listen and hold him close.

One day I'm gonna have all that!

And it's gonna be something!

Happy Pride Everyone!

I'm Back After a Long Break!

It has been about two months since my last post. I apologize. I have gone through a somewhat dry period in my writing and I just needed a break.

My lack of writing new material has taken its toll on this blog as the number of visitors has plummeted. So, rather than erase my 4 year labor of love, I felt a nudge to begin writing here again.

I have entertained thoughts of writing a new blog from an entirely different perspective, but I just can't get away from the thought of rising "Out of the Ashes."

So, here I am.

My parents have been through the mill with their cancer. Each has lung cancer. Mom is in full remission and has been so for a year and a half. Dad was diagnosed in November...and it looks like he is going to be on chemo as a maintenance regimen for the rest of his life. In a couple of weeks, he will be undergoing cyber knife surgery to remove a tumor that has shrunk drastically since November.

I have so very much to be thankful for.

Meanwhile, my daughter Jessica has started a new job in Washington DC for the federal government. As you may remember, she returned from her Peace Corps duty in El Salvador almost a year ago. It has taken her that long to get this job. She is very thrilled.

On my front...yes, I am still gay. I continue to reach out and make new friends. And, I keep my eyes open for candidates as partners. In the meantime, I've met some people who at first blush seemed like the answers to my prayers. But, warning flags were raised when they started going down the bondage path.....or the erotic bowel movement path....etc.

I think you get the idea.

I don't know why it seems so hard in the gay world to find a regular guy for companionship....and for love -- plain and simple. The kind of love where you can grow old together and just experience the joys of day-to-day living. I have often fantasized about meeting someone where I can just sit and hold his hand in quiet moments. My favorite scenario is when I can be curled up on the couch with him and rest my head in his lap while we each read the Saturday or Sunday paper. Or plan trips to the beach...or just doing something fun. I would love for him to love my kids as his own.

I look around me and see people of every size and persuasions who have a special person in their lives and I suffer from private longing. I look at well known gay people who have just come out....and they already have partners! Chely Wright.....Ray Boltz......Jennifer Knapp all come to mind.

It makes me feel like screaming...."What in the world is wrong with me?"

But I plunge myself into my work.....or my church work.....or just the business of living. I put myself into groups of gay men all the time. I look around me and wonder....what it takes to find and to fall in love.

Oh....then there are the unspoken crushes. I see some guys that would be perfect boyfriend material. But I am just waaaaaaay tooooooooo shy to pursue it. I always wonder why I have to be the initiator.

So, I'm in a rut. I know this.

But I'm working on it.

In the meantime, I am trying to be satisfied with me. I am trying to like myself. I'm trying to enjoy my company and to keep busy. This goes a long way to combat the loneliness that sometimes threatens to sink me.

'nuff said for now.