Gee, I'm in a writing mood today...
I had lunch today with a dear friend.
I told him about all the mish-mash of feelings I have been experiencing since Lovey's departure.
"Why all the depression with the loss of the Albatross?" he asked. "If I were in your shoes, I'd be dancing my shoe heels off!"
Funny, I had never viewed Lovey as an albatross, but I guess in this situation, the term fits very well.
"I suppose it's because I'm in mourning," I said. "I'm mourning 24 wasted years when I could have been doing something completely different."
My friend put his sandwich down, looked deeply into my eyes and said, "And, my friend, while you are all gloomy and depressed, you're wasting perfectly good time that you could be doing something different."
THWAAAAAAACK.....
I love it when friends hit you up the side of your head like that!
He's right.
I should pick myself up....dust myself off....and get on with living. I guess it is me who is making me so miserable. After all, it's not like I want Lovey to come back to me. ...or that our marriage could ever be put back together again!
The kids are okay. Their only problem is that they believe their father is a drama queen. When I have moments of tears and I don't even know why I'm crying, they just look at me, shake their heads and roll their eyes. They, too, don't understand why their dad shouldn't be dancing for joy.
I guess I am a drama queen.
6 comments:
I think you just need to take off your shirt and dance a little bit! Need a friend? Need advice?
You know you've got lots of places to go. The kids. Your friends. And others here in blogland.
I have read thru most of your entries. I am so glad I found your blog. I am at a point in my life where I have to make a decision whether to leave my wife of 15 years and two kids, to start living my true life. I've known I was gay/bi for some time. I hate the idea of hurting my wife and kids, but the desire to live the rest of my life as the person i am inside, is very strong. I'm so glad you had the support of your children. Mine are both under 12 and I'm afraid they will just see me as abandoning them. Of course I would want to stay an important part of their lives, but one never knows.
Anyway, thanks for blogging, it gives me a ton to think about.
Thanks guys for your comforting thoughts.
Geoffrey: it does me a world of good to know that the drama of my life is helping someone else. Just remember that there are no right and wrong paths....and you have to find the one for yourself...on that you can live with.
I've been told tons and tons of times.....by different people....that there is life beyond the trauma....I see a few glimmers of it now and then....
Hang in there.
So you are a drama queen --- Yea! It is part of who you are, but only a part. Be aware of it, laugh at it when you can.
There are worse things than being a drama queen, trust me!
Good for you! You are starting to realize that the future is "more than half full" rather than "less than half empty".
Post a Comment