I had to call the plumber.
All my valiant attempts at getting my new sump pump installed have failed. The plumber tells me I did a good job, but the superstructure...the underlying drainage system was not a good one.
The former owner of my house (who was notorious for being a 'halfway handy man' and doing jobs 'halfway') had used pipes that were too small to carry the water away from the house and were easily clogged. He used caulking to connect the pipes...not cement. AND...he buried part of his work under a thick layer of concrete...hard...thick concrete.
Those pipes are clogged. The pipes are on the verge of splitting due to age....the caulking is all coming undone.
The previous owner did all this and this is why I'm now getting new carpets installed in the basement that flooded...and am having to shell out an additional $1400 to have the sump pump installed and seated properly.
And I am only at the beginning of my new life...without "Lovey."
Last night #1 and I continued or quest of cleaning the basement out of junk....so that the carpet installers can arrive Monday and lay the new carpet. I couldn't believe all the stuff I found...
Mom O'Lovey is driving to be with Lovey today for a few days. #1 and I boxed up a couple of boxes of Christmas decorations, and a box of sermon books, and notebooks crammed full of some of Loveys old....and I do mean OLD....sermons. I certainly didn't want them....#1 didn't want them. Lovey will probably not have much room for them...but hey...they are are HERS. So they are now, even as we speak....heading in her direction.
The place is looking a little emptier.....but we have a long way to go.
How I want this place to be organized and look NICE. I'm so tired of living in a pig sty.
We'll see.
Yes...new beginnings. The feelings of being overwhelmed have passed. Some friends are helping me scope out furniture.....I chose carpets.....I feel good about the selection. I'm moving forward.
But what do I do about the rest of my life?
How long is it before I cease being "on the rebound" from Lovey?
I love the guy in my life with all my heart. But, he's not available 24/7. He's married. He's got lots of responsibilities. He's not out to his adult children.
There are no guarantees that he will ever be available.
Do I wait?
Some friends have recommended that I just relax and date. They say I shouldn't just jump into another committed relationship this soon.
Okay....so how long is that?
I've been working at broadening my sphere of friends. But I have got to tell you, trying to have platonic gay friends isn't easy. I've gone onto personals sites...and responded to the ads that say things like...."I'm not looking for a relationship. Friendships are great!"
The emails are terrific. The telephone calls are great. The meetings go farely okay. Dinner....a movie......a sporting event.... All seems to go well. Then I get an email that says, "I should tell you that I am not interested in an intimate relationship; nothing sexual if that is okay with you."
I write back and say......"Woah buddy......wasn't looking for that at this point.....I was just looking for friendship."
No response. No other communication.
I want to choke them.
Am I weird for actually thinking that they only wanted friendship as stated in their ads?
This is all such new....and scary territory.
6 comments:
Cleaning out storage areas often becomes an exercise in archaeology. But I had enough with basements to last a life time during the time I lived in Minnesota, after moving south I have enjoyed living totally above ground.
It does seem hard for gay men to have a platonic relationship for any length of time -- I think it may interfear with the constant call of the genitals. I am not sure how many straight guys maintain a platonic relationship with women -- it does happen just not sure that it is common. maybe this is one of the reasons for the stereotypes of one night stands among gay guys. You might have better luck with guys that you would meet in some other venue such as a gay service organization, rather than meet groups.
By the way I think I first heard of your blog via a post you made to the gay married men yahoo group. Following your story has given me hope for when inevitably my wife discovers the truth and we face the big question of how do we proceed.
Frank -
Help. Come clean out my garage! It's full of old papers and files -- that I'll probably never look at again -- because our basement leaks.
Understanding that you are no longer in a married situation, don't you think that you need to find some single, uncommitted guys?
Plus, try to keep your old friends as much as possible. Old friends are often better than new friends because they know where you've been.
Married guy: it's tricky, think about what you expect and if you think it'll ever happen.
Waiting? I think you're in an unfortunate situation and it's not necessarily fair to you (I have a post of you: "the other victim" about this.)
I'd say not to abandon him altogether, take it slow, find other gay friends too. I've met a lot of my friends either through other friends, some community things (get togethers like potlucks) and even at the bars (end up just talking with other people around me.) It also kinda depends on the type of guys you are attracted too or like being around. The bears in my area tend to get together alot for hanging out (watch movies, kareoke, potlucks etc.) in my area and could be a good place to meet others for friendship.
"Friends" and "Relationship" are loaded words.
Relationship: might mean "commitment" e.g no dating others etc.
Friends: could mean being friends AND having sex for fun, e.g. no commitment.
I think you should be clear before you meet that you are "not looking for sex at the moment, just looking to meet people and take it from there." That'll clear up the confusion I think. Keep dating too, someone might just knock you off your feet! It happens...
Good luck!
I can very much relate to being unable to find gay friends who are not really looking for a hook-up. I personally think that it's sad that, as a group of people, we spend a lot less time supporting one another than rating each other's attractiveness -- but I've whined about this so much on my own blog that I'll just shut up about it now.
All my best to you -- you have indeed helped me in my own journey down this road.
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