I can't help but think that somehow we married gay men live in a netherworld.
Simply put: damned if you do.....damned if you don't....
Let me explain.
Typically we get married at a young age -- with little life experience....or the concepts of how to deal with major life decisions. It all comes through trial and error and time.
So why is it then that because we choose to marry because we believe the lie that we can change.....and sadly when it turns out that we can't......and we come out......somehow we're the villain? Or that....we somehow deceived someone?
Perhaps it was deception on some level.
I was deceived by society.....and by the church.....that I could get married and things would straighten themselves out.
I came out to Lovey to be honest.....in order to have some help with this issue that I had dealt with so long.
Somehow I didn't receive that support.....and I think I wound up giving the support...to her and to her ministry....and to the children.
The no physical intimacy part was Lovey's idea.....her bit to "replenish the earth" as she so eloquently put it.....was done.
So....
Here I am.....almost 50.....working to navigate the waters of gayness by myself...... However, I have many years of marriage, of child rearing.....of living.....to draw from.
I just wish I was about 30 years younger...where I could have made more informed choices.......not based on societal or church demands.
And...to Wife of Another Gay Man......I do value your insights....please keep reading...and keep posting your comments!
3 comments:
To: Wife of Another Gay Man
I would appreciate it if we could exchange a few e-mail notes. I am looking for ways to ease my inevitable coming out to my wife. I know that she does not want to face this issue but it is not going to go away and can not be hidden for ever.
Rick – e-mail address loft4you@yahoo.com
I agree. Gay people struggle to erase themselves.
Can you blame us? We are told we can! "It's a choice" everyone says, "you are not MADE that way."
And so we do, we choose not to be gay, but, it's a lie. It doesn't and it won't. Show me someone who chose not to be gay, and I'll show you a liar. They still are.
You said it very well, my experience was very much the same, although I'm a couple of years ahead of you. By the way, if she's "Lovey" does that make you "Thurston"?
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