Hit a bump in the road over the weekend.
I had been feeling rather smug about the progress that I had been making. I was actually beginning to feel like the old Frank in a rather major way.
The house is taking on my personality. It's beginning to feel elegant in a kind of warm way. Even #1 has been saying over and over again how nice the place is looking and how excited she is. This has made me feel better than anything within the past 25 years.
You see, the house used to be always in such disarray, that the kids could never have friends in...or throw parties, etc. All that has changed. Already, #1 and I have figured out 3 big events we will host in the next little while: 1) we'll have a house warming open house; 2) we'll have a Christmas open house; and, 3) we have #1's farewell party here when she leaves for the Peace Corps in a few months.
It is so cool to know that the house is mine....and that it is clean.....and free from clutter.
Got rid of another curb full of junk....this weekend. Also, filled up carload #3 to send back to LOVEY. ICK.
With all the positive things, the bump happened.
Lovey is staying at her mom's this weekend until Wednesday. So, it was a natural thing for #1 to spend some time with her.
However, upon her return, I learned more about her mom than I ever really wanted to know. It only confirmed to me what I have beens aying all along. The woman has issues....TGT was not what did our marriage in.....we're back to "control"...."wooden spoons" and the like. And the shoes....we're back to the shoes.
What is it about shoes? She thinks I wouldn't let her buy shoes...... Yet, in the various journal entries that #1 and I have run across in the cleaning of the house: she makes big elaborate entries....and then she mentions that she bought shoes that day!
She told #1 that she had a credit car of her own when they were little...and that she maxed it out by buying....yup, you guessed it, shoes for them. It would be laughable, if it weren't so sad....and scary.
And that's not all.... by the sounds of it....I was just an awful husband. She has now taken on the role of martyr....
I suppose in order to justify her actions....and to make herself look good and not so crazy, she tries to demonize me. And she is trashing me and my reputation in the process.
It's all very sad.
To think that I have wasted nearly 25 years and gallons of tears on her....all for this.
I confessed to #1 that although her mom wants me to remain in her life "like a brother," I don't think I want to keep her or her family in my life.
#1 said that she understood why.
3 comments:
Oh the irony. Although, ostensibly, my marriage was totally my fault because of TGT, my kids know the truth about my ex, too. I always said I would have divorced her if I had been straight--it would have been much easier for me to find another woman to be with than to come out and bear with the reactions of family and friends to TGT. However, all's well that ends well, and I can see yours is coming full circle, too. That's great.
Lol. Although spreading bad info about you is not good, I'm not sure you can do a lot to undo it. I say let her be the martyr. If they believe her then they deserve it! LOL. Your wife is not really your enemy as much as you might feel at the moment. These hurtful thoughts come about because of the divorce I think.
I find it sad that you feel you wasted your time over the past 25 years... it's not "all for this" as you got some really nice daughters (who love you) to show for it right?
House: where are the pics! :)
Frank may I speak frankly?
It really is time you stopped thinking about/talking about Lovey so much.
She may well be demonising you but can you not rise above it? You're now demonising her and this tit-for-tat business is childish.
It's not healthy, either. Get over yourself and move on. Let her do the same.
And remember: "Don't look back - you are not going that way."
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