A Blessed Spiritual Retreat

In my spiritual life, retreats are a normal part of the landscape.

However, I've done my best to avoid them. Primarily because it has simply taken too much energy to hid the gay thing from the other straight men in attendance, and I have just never gotten very comfortable in such settings.

I didn't think it was for me.

It was just too emotionally draining.

But because I am at a new place in my walk.....and a new place in who I am....and slowly becoming increasingly comfortable with my gayness, I decided to go to the church retreat sponsored by my congregation.

I am so glad that I went.

I was surrounded by people like me....gay men.....gay women.......and a few straight people just to make it a little interesting! I was with these people for most of the day on Friday, all day Saturday, late Satuday night, and a majority of the day today.

What a time I had!

I spent much time in contemplation. I think I prayed more over the weekend than I have in a very long time.

I experienced quite a range of emotions.....and shed many tears over many things in my life. The things I have lost.......the things I have presently.........the things I thought I had.....the future.

Ah yes, the Future!

I wept over that.

Why?

Because I'm a bit fearful of the unknown.

I've made it through the longest period of sadness.....loss....and spiritual dryness that I have ever experienced in all my life.

But now what?

Yesterday morning I arose early. I dressed and took my camera and hiked down to the Rapidan River to take some pictures as the world awakened to a new day. It was so peaceful as I hiked the quarter mile or so to the river. The path traveled through the thick forest downhille, through thickets and meadows, beside flowers and weeds and bushes....all covered with a heavy morning dew.

But there I was, and finally I reached the place where the river rolled over some shallow areas covered with rocks. It practically sang as the water gentle rolled over the shallow areas. It gurgled and bubbled.

How peaceful! Only the sounds of the birds.....the river.....and a slight breeze blowing through the leaves.

I thanked God for such a wonderful gift! I turned and began my journey back to the retreat area. As I ascended through the meadow and thickets, I entered the thick forest once more. It was a dark forest, shieldedd from the morning sun. It felt like I was going through a train tunnel. As I passed through the forest, I looked ahead and saw the end of it. The sun was gloriously streaming through the trees, ad they began to thin out.... The sunlight was casting a beautiful light upon my path...in essence directing my footsteps.

I had to take pictures of this moment.

So that I could remember it.

It was as if God was telling me that this was a symbol of my life. I have been traveling through the thick forest of sadness and gloom and doubt. But now is my time to dance in the sunlight....and to enjoy the blessings of God for a change. He is directing my path.

So I snapped the enclosed picture.

It's a symbol of my life.....I'm moving into a much better season of my life.