Nothing is Ever What It Appears to Be!

I guess summer is officially over now. Well, actually, it’s been over since late September, but temperature-wise here in Washington, the hot, summer-like days have persisted.

This, though, is the third straight day of gloomy, wet, and gray. I hate days like this.

I really do.

But, I have no control over them. So, I have to make the most of it.

Today.

I have so much that I can write about. But I just don’t know what the best topic is. I don’t want this to be boring for you all. I don’t want to come across as a whiner. On the flip side, I don’t want to appear that I’ve got all the answers and that I’ve got it all together.

I don’t.

This was painfully apparent when I learned something this week that I did not know.

A friend of mine just told me some very troubling things that have haunted me. So, let me share.

About 15 years ago, Lovey and I had moved into the house that I now own. We were quite excited about having our first home….and busy beginning our new routines of getting the children to school…..finding the perfect furniture for our house….etc. It was really something. (It’s very hard to believe how long ago that really was….and now how much things have definitely changed.)

At that time, she and I began attending a church here in the area that had been a part of our lives since our wedding in 1981. It’s where we actually married. In 1993, there was a new pastor there.

Lovey and I befriended him and began a very active period in the life of that church. He had two children….one son in his early 20s…..and one son about my daughters’ age (12 or so). In fact, one of my daughter’s became totally smitten by the 12 year old and they became inseparable.

The pastor and I became close friends….but I noticed he was sort of “detached” most of the time. Still I liked him and worked to help his ministry in any way that I could. Lovey and I noticed that the older twenty something son was quite mysterious and wasn’t even living at home. He was with friends in another state and rarely made any appearances in this area.

This young man was totally drop-dead gorgeous…and I discerned that he may have been gay. Looking back I’m not sure if it was my accurate gaydar at work or whether it was wishful thinking on my part. Still, I kept my distance, but was always friendly when he was at church and tried to be a friend to him.

About a year or so later, the pastor and his family moved to another church….very abruptly…without any heads up to me…even though I was considered to be his closest friend…..and confidant. It was just announced and just in the blink of an eye….they were gone!

It always bothered me. There was also an element of hurt there too.

Fast forward to now. My friend told me the whole story of what happened with that pastor and he finally answered the mystery surrounding his eldest son.

The pastor was estranged from his eldest son. This was because the son was in fact struggling with his sexual identity. The pastor disowned him. The son went to live with friends in another state, when the pastor was assigned to my church, and only made very occasional visits into the area, primarily to visit his mother. Over time, the son got caught up in some very negative things and his rejection by his father began to take its toll. The son began acting out to the point of attempting suicide on four different occasions.

The pastor was afraid that people would find out about his family….their shortcomings…..and his shortcomings….so he left. Abruptly! Just like that.

Now, no one knows for sure where that son is.

And, I never knew.

Anyything.

I just wonder what, if anything, I could have done for either party. I probably wouldn’t have been much of a blessing to them because of the depth of my own closet….and the fact that I was struggling with my own identity.

It just goes to show that even in churches, nothing is ever what it appears to be on the surface.