Sorry that I’ve been gone for a while. I’ve just been consumed with a lot of things associated with the kids and with work that I just decided to step back and take a break for a while.
I also used the time to reflect on what I’ve written, on my journey, and on some of the comments that have been made by the many readers who float by the blog.
I can’t believe just how much I have grown in the past few weeks. Sadness has not been my companion.
Probably the best yardstick to measure my growth by is the fact that I have been wading through old papers and files that I had been dreading. You see, every time I would sit down to try and tackle them, I’d run across a little note from one of the children, or a romantic card from Lovey, and I’d find myself sobbing uncontrollably. Silly, I know. But it was me and I’ve had to work through those feelings of sadness and yes, of failure.
So, as I have spent this time wading through the morass of paper that is my house, I’ve come across a vast treasure trove of items. A love letter from Lovey….(sounds like a tongue-twister)…..from June of 2004. Aw, it was so syrupy and loving. YUCK.
Not once did I feel the need to cry. I just set it aside and continued through the vast waste of little handwritten notes by Lovey……cards by the kids……old bank statements……Sunday School outlines…..sermons….. You name it I found it! Ten garbage bags full! I’m sure there are even more.
But I am making progress.
The picture that appears with this entry is very special to me. It’s of #1 and her brother, the marine. She’s about 7, and he’s either 4 or 5. It brought a broad smile to my face.
I’m able to deal with relics from the past without breaking down. I’m able to gather up and identify stuff I no longer need….and I’m ready to destroy them.
It’s a wonderful feeling to look around my house and not see the clutter that once was our constant companion. Oh, I did get rid of twenty garbage bags full of junk while #1 was still here, shortly after Lovey departed. But this is stuff that was in boxes in the bottom of the hall closet…..or in my bedroom book case……or down in the basement store room. These are the relics that were hidden from public view. And, well, I just said, “Enough! Be gone!”
So, this weekend, I plan to spend some time doing some more. It feels so good.
Coupled with all of this…..not only am I feeling better emotionally….but physically I am amazed at the stamina I have. The insulin and the thyroid pills appear to be doing their jobs. I’m sleeping very well at night. I’m ditching caffeine wherever possible….and I’m also cutting down on the diet soda. I’m drinking more water. I’ve found that as a result of taking my sugar levels seriously…not only am I feeling much better…..but I’m not coming down with the sniffles, ear infections and sinus infections I once did. The doctor says that there is a direct correlation between my high sugar levels and how I felt…and the number of colds and other infections I got.
My cholesterol is at 112.
Not bad for an old guy, huh?
So, I’m working to get back on track now…..and do more serious writing here.
It’s time to get this show on the road!
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