In The Garden of Stone

Last Wednesday was indeed a special day. You see, I attended the funeral of the father of a dear friend of mine at the historic Ft. Myer Old Chapel. He was entombed at Arlington Cemetery which is next door to Ft. Myer.

I know that I have had my share of deaths this summer. So really I haven't started attending funerals for pleasure. It was just something I felt I needed to do: express concern and care for my friend and his family.

I was so struck by the military precision and the care with which they handled the urn that contained the deceased's remains. He had been cremated. Yet, they carried him in solemnly, gently, and with honor. A folded American Flag rested next to the box.

There was a full procession to where he was entombed -- a niche in the columbarium overlooking the Pentagon with the Washington Monument in the distance. I counted at least 16 uniformed military men who were involved in the ceremony: 8 pallbearers, seven marksmen, and a bugle player. There was a representative from the office of the Secretary of Defense and her escort. The funeral director. The Catholic Priest.

There was the salute...three volleys from seven guns. With our heads bowed and eyes closed, the bugle player raised the instrument to his lips and played taps a few yards away. The haunting melody echoed through the garden of stone.

Then, his widow was presented a flag that had been folded at the conclusion of the ceremony. The pallbearers marched away. In precise unison. The marksman and the bugle player marched off in perfect unison.

My friend's dad was then placed gently into his place. The priest sprinkled holy water and blessed the urn and its surrounding niche. Each close survivor was invited to approach his final resting place for a moment of personal reflection. The widow placed a small bouquet of flowers next to the deceased. Some said audible goodbyes, while others paused in silence, carefully caressing the urn. My friend was the last to pay his respects.

The niche was closed.


We all walked to our cars in the bright summer sunshine. The tourmobiles whizzed by. Tourists darted to and fro looking for the Tomb of the Unknowns, or the final resting places of the Kennedy Brothers. In the distance we saw several other funeral processions -- all headed to their respective final resting places.

But there, among them all, was my friend's dad. He was afforded all the pomp and circumstance afforded the military. Oh, he wasn't an officer. He didn't make a career of the military. It has been perhaps 50 or 60 years since he wore a uniform.

Yet he was honored and not forgotten. His contributions were recognized.

Last Wednesday he took his place in the garden of stone.

ANOTHER Death in the Family

Life can be so strange.

I just returned from vacation – if you can call it that.

It was time off. I got to spend some quality time with my parents and one of my children – the daughter from El Salvador, who has returned permanently and appears to finally be over her wanderlust.

But, it was unseasonably cold and rainy. Many mornings were quite foggy. And the real reason for my time off was due to the death of an Aunt in North Carolina who had battling brain cancer for a number of years.

During the week that I was away, another Uncle was in ICU at one of the local hospitals. He was in rather bad shape. My relatives are all his stepchildren. He had been staying with his biological children since the breakup of his marriage with my aunt. As he lay in ICU, my cousins visited and saw what appeared to be evidence of elder abuse on his lower extremities.

So, this began another drama that played itself out near the end of my stay. My uncle passed away. His funeral was on the day I left to return home.

Three deaths in three weeks!

I find that all this death and dying business has left me feeling wrung out and basically out of sorts.

Going to WV for extended periods is stressful to me. I feel like I am the only gay person in the entire city. From the outside looking in, the communities that my family all operate with in seem to be “Straight Central”. The older I get, the harder it is for me to play along.

So, I spend a lot of my time just being me. I try to relax and be myself. But in the back of my mind I am always concerned about the “issue” and wondering if I am giving anything away. I certainly don’t want to cause any undue hardship on my parents or have people making any bad comments. So, I keep a very “low” profile.

People may think I’m being a snob….or that I am being shy. But really, I just keep my head down. Hopefully no one will notice that I am the odd man out. I am GAY!

Yesterday I received a telephone call from my mother. My uncle’s stepdaughter – my first cousin – had gone through a very ugly and unpleasant divorce from her husband of 32 years a few years ago. He remarried, and we hear that his current wife has filed for divorce.

When he moved out of wife #2’s home, he moved in with a wealthy man that lives in a rather upscale area of my hometown. On July 4, he invited his daughter to visit with her boyfriend.

Over the course of the visit, they determined that the ex-husband is gay and living with another gay man!

So, apparently there are some pockets of gayness right there in the midst of “straight central.”

I suppose you just have to know where to look!

What a Week!

Since I last wrote, I've been dealing with a couple of deaths in my family. (Both are on my father's side.) His only surviving brother died on June 18. So on Father's Day, I, along with my daughter, got up bright and early to drive to Canton, OH for the viewing and funeral. It was a nice trip...and I got to reconnect with some relatives that I have not seen in many years. I also got to connect with some of my more younger relatives that I barely know.

Then, as all of you know, Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson all died within a relatively short time frame. I am amazed that I am now at the time of life where people who were icons during my youth are now beginning to die off. But, this is a part of the cycle.

Finally, on this past Friday morning, my aunt (the widow of another one of my dad's brothers who passed away in 1994) passed away in North Carolina -- having lost her fight with brain cancer. This time my daughter and I get to head to my home in WV to be at the funeral there that happens on Tuesday morning.

I still have not decided how long I will stay. I probably will stay through the July 4th Weekend. It's time for me to visit with my mom anyway.

So, I have been busy.

It really is something to have to face all these deaths at once.

Hopefully upon my return, we can get back on track with writing on this blog again.

Please remember my family in your prayers.