A Break from the Autumn Blues

I used to dread the fall.

I hated the colors brown, bright orange, and yellow.

I hated the chill in the air.

I hated going back to school.

Even after 30 or so years out of school, I found that
this time of year was the pits. It was exacerbated 3
years ago, when my wife lowered the boom on me the
first time. Totally unprepared -- I was not expecting
her to say calmly over a breakfast of toast, scrambled
eggs, and bacon, that she wanted a divorce.

I melted down.

Totally.

It probably was the only time in my life that I felt
like I perhaps had a nervous breakdown...or at least
had something very close to one.

Depression added to the bad feelings I had for Autumn.

Well, about 4 months later, my wife changed her mind
and said that she couldn't live without me. She said
that she couldn't divorce me. Blah...blah.

At the same time, her dad became quite ill. He died
the following August.

I was skeptical of my wife....I didn't trust her as
far as I could throw her.

I was on my guard for the "next time" she'd say the D
word.

And I was right.....June 9, 2005....it came!

Last fall was my autumn from hell. That October they
got around to burying my father in law's remains. (He
died in August 2004. He wasn't picked up from the
mortuary until May 2005. He stayed behind our
television, on the floor, during that summer....June,
July, August. Periodically my wife would open the
container and show his ashes to guests....I couldn't
believe it. In late August, he was dispatched to his
wife's home, where she kept him in a hamper in her
walk-in closet.)

The night before he was buried....his wife and four
daughters each scooped out some ashes to keep. Lovey
I think put him in tupperware.

What was left went into a hole int he ground in our
church's cemetery. I didn't go to that.... my wife
in her ultimate wisdom outted me to everyone in her
family just prior to that and I felt naked.

And cold.

It was Autumn.

But this Autumn, I wanted to change my perceptions and
overlay something new and pleasant that would erase my
tendence to suffer from the Autmn blues.

My youngest daughter invited me to meet her at my
parent's....to spend some much needed father/daughter
time. "I need one of your hugs," she said.

So here I sit....on a brisk autumn day in the
mountains...at Starbuck's....watching my daughter work
on a paper on her laptop....and I'm feeling inspired
to write here.

The sun is streaming in brightly..... Eveyrthing
feels different. I'm relaxed. I'm happy.

Yes, I've definitely taken a break from the Autumn
Blues!