I've just started reading the McGreevey Book...."The Confession"...and something struck me. That's McGreevey and his lover, Golan Cipel in the photograph.
In one of the early passages, he talks about a conversation he had with his lover, Golan Cipel, while McGreevey was still governor of New Jersey. He speaks quite fondly of him ... I guess as we all would about former lovers. But, he did say something that has sort of stuck with me.
He says something to the effect that in conversations with Cipel, he looked around at all the trappings of governorship.....and told Cipel that he would give it all up for him.
Is this commitment or what?
I don't know about you....but most of us who have found ourselves virtually trapped in a marriage....and then we meet our soulmate.....who happens to be another man....most of us are scared out of our wits.
We're consumed by fear.
Many fears actually.....fear of discovery.....fear of inadvertent disclosure to our wives.....fear of the loss of our life as we know it.
But here, McGreevey says that he was willing to kiss it all goodbye...to be with Cipel.
I've never had anyone be willing to do that for me..... My own wife couldn't leave her ministry long enough to focus on me or the kids. So many marriages are driven by the ambitions of one or both parties....and usually neither is willing to sacrifice.
Is this how its supposed to be? Are each of us supposed to have our own agendas in our lives that we can't sacrifice to say...."I'd give all this up for you?" Would I be willing to do that?
Could you?
In the end, McGreevey did give it all up. But his motive changed...he wanted to be a man of integrity.....and he's succeeding.
Good for him!
When it comes down to it.....is living a life of integrity.......without lies......out of the deep darkness of the closet......more important....than staying hidden....staying miserable.....living with the masks....the lies....the deception?
Having suffered my years of drama....lies.....and the like, I think not.
2 comments:
I think it is a fair measure that you truly love someone if you are willing to make huge sacrifices for them (your life, your career etc.)
Everyone is different though, and show their love in different ways and to different measure. When you are married, it's possible your ambitions are meant to be "shared" not interchanged for the family or their time. For example, your wife perhaps felt she was doing this FOR you guys (although you never felt like that was the case for you.)
I think it feels like "love" more when you share the same expectations and are willing to compromise that with each other's ambitions TOGETHER. It may be more about understanding...
The only distinction I have to make for myself with those kinds of choices is that the decision to leave a relationship is quite separate from the decision to begin a new one or make a younger relationship the primary/only one.
It sounds like McGreevey came to something similar -- that choices to leave his marriage and the governership ultimately came first out of the need to care for himself.
I know some folks who have navigated paths which included transitioning from one primary relationship to another in circumstances in which the new relationship started before the existing one ended... it's just not something I'm built for.
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