Families and Divorce

Sunday was another first in the continuing saga of Frank and Lovey.

This time, there was a family gathering....and for the first time in 25 years.....I was not invited to Mom O'Lovey's after church. Mom O'Lovey had me sit with her at church today.... I did.. Nothing mentioned of the festivities planned. She did make a passing mention about a man at our church that is her neighbor...and how she had him at her house for last Thanksgiving. Now when Lovey and her three sisters are all together...as they were at Thanksgiving, there are invariably arguments. I've grown to accept them...and to watch them unfold every year. However, a couple of days later, he called Mom O'Lovey to say, "Do your children always yell and argue at gatheirngs like that?"

Mom O'Lovey thought his comments were awful. "Why they weren't arguing...they were having a lively discussion! It's clear that you were an only child and never had normal interractions with siblings."

He was unphased.

I'm an only child too....but have been around lots of families who gather for meals.....and I've never been to one as lively as the O"lovey's.

Something always outrageous occurs when they get together.

One year, one of the sisters put cat food on her father's plate at Thanksgiving. At another Thanksgiving feast, there was a shrieking match between sisters. Then at another meal, the sisters made fun of their hard of hearing father. Several of the final gatherings I've been part of, the baby sister has been nagging at her husband for the amount of food/sweets, etc. he likes to eat. Her comments are biting.

It really didn't bother me, per se...until after it was all over... I had a very busy day....

But when I got home...it hit me. Since this silly divorce began, this is the first time I was not invited to a family gathering. It was a bit shocking given all their talk of how I had been in the family for so long....they wanted me to be in the family and consider myself as a part of the family....

Even though divorce is looming....

And I believed them.

It was shocking....it felt strange....different.... But even stranger was the fact that I wasn't totally crushed by it. No doubt that Lovey has demonized me to her family. After all I made her life hell. She made this clear to me in our telephone conversation of two weeks ago.

So, if I were on the other side looking at this situation, I wouldn't want to have me at a family gathering either.

But it is still a little strange to not be included....25 year traditions are hard to change.

It's an adjustment.

I enjoy my piece of mind....the peace and quiet....

I will take that over the shrieking...the fights....the "discussions".....the biting comments to spouses......the cat food.....

ANY DAY.