A Bit of Apprehension...

Went to the lab this morning to have blood drawn and also submit a urine specimen.

This is all in preparation for my doctor’s visit tomorrow afternoon. I’m pretty confident that the good doctor is going to put me on insulin beginning tomorrow….and it doesn’t look fun….and I’m dreading it.

The stuff she has been talking to me about has a Web site, and I’ve been looking at it. The insulin is called LANTUS….and you inject yourself once a day. When you inject…you have to hold the needle in until you count to 10. I hate this. GOSH…but I have avoided this for 15 years. So, I guess this is just another milestone I’m having to face.

Now that I am pushing the magic age of 50, everything is happening.

It’s stuff like this that brings me down a bit. I have to face all my health problems alone.

It makes me feel lonely.

I suppose it is times like this that make me wish I had a full time partner to spoil me a little…..or to hold me…..or to just comfort me as I let myself cry.

But I don’t have a full time partner. Everyone is busy with their own drama….their own lives. My kids are busy with their lives. My parents are too far away. I don’t have brothers or sisters. My friends at church have all their activities that they are working on.

So, I have to work on cheering myself up and on. I have to become my number 1 fan. I have to be the one who is vigilant about my health. I have to learn to take care of me.

Why should this be so hard or daunting?

Am I spoiled? Probably to the core.

Perhaps that’s the problem.

Perhaps deep down I long to have someone else spoil me….take care of me…..help me watch out for me….

Will I ever truly become adjusted to all this? When will I get to the point that I just take care of myself as a matter of fact…without the fear and brooding.