Does A Paradigm Need To Shift?

I had dinner with a very special man last night.

He and I have been friends since the middle of June and we enjoy each other's company. Although he and I have been friends for only a few months, there is a connection with him that puts me at ease and I feel that I can share basically anything with him and he will listen and offer some words of wisdom.

Last night, he and I scheduled some time for dinner and to walk around a mall. The majority of the time, he and I talked and talked about everything. I shared with him about my mother.....my love life (or lack thereof)....my fears....my secret longings.

He, too opened up and shared some of his life story

He has always been gay and has been involved in a number of relationships. Currently he is single.

I asked him what he thought did gay relationships in more than anything else. He told me that he thought it was the lack of honest and sincere communication.

I asked him about the whole monogamy issue. He is for open relationships.

This is where the discussion got really interesting. I said that I felt that monogamy makes a relationship "special" and that if it is an open relationship, one runs the risk of causing it to be diluted and to make it lose its specialness.

He then said that his view of relationships was different. He believss that one can have an open relationship and then have a primary relationship where you "come home" to it....and draw your strength from it. "Too many gay men in relationships live in the future....rather than enjoying the moment now!" he said. "If a couple lives in the here and now and love and live....the future will take care of itself. It's not necessarily good to drop the heterosexual model onto a gay relationship."

So, I found myself just sitting there....dumbfounded.

I'd never heard things discussed like this before.

So, it has now made me wonder if I need to rethink what I have desired for so long: a gay male who was only interested in me and that we could live our lives together exclusively and grow old together.

Is this truly realistic in gay relationships though?

I sighed after our discussion and said, "Gee these gay relationships are so hard."

He smiled, and agreed.

I drove him home and he hugged and kissed me goodnight.