I have had quite a weekend so far. Saturday I was in the depths of despair. I was blue about my mother.....I missed my kids......I looked around my house and could see all the ghosts of my past life parading from room to room. I turned down several social engagements so I could just stay by myself and brood.
There is no other way to describe my feelings on that cold, gloomy, dark, drizzly fall day here in the Washington DC metro.
I actually sat down and went over in my mind all the bad things that have happened...or that were continuing to happen in my life. It wasn't pretty and I'm not proud to be sharing it.
But there you have it.
There were some other personal upheavals that I had to deal with on Wednesday evening late....but I won't go into all that. Suffice it to say that I have put everything back into perspective...and with the assistance of my constant companion, Davy, the wonder dog (cocker spaniel), I will survive another day.
This morning I went to church for the first time in eons. I felt really bad about having been gone....but between the work in my office...and going to West Virginia.....and having some private time, well, there just wasn't enough hours in the day. This morning I made it just in time for the beginning of the morning service. I got to see a number of my friends....and they all hugged me....and let me know that they were thinking of me.....and that they had been praying for my mom.
Their constant mantra was "Keep the faith...there is always hope."
This is what I am trying to do.
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I've thought a lot about the post I made last week where I talked about Lovey....and how alone I felt in dealing with my mom and my dad....and how at times I felt overwhelmed.
One of you wrote and asked if having Lovey back in her previous capacity would really make things better....
Honestly...the answer to that is no -- a resounding NO!
But after having read all the other comments, I think that one of the things that I am longing for more than anything right now is having someone who can be there for me during all the difficult days and months ahead. I would love to have someone who was available to "take care of me."
Aw...I'm not saying I'm codependent or anything as severe as that. I do wish I had a strong shoulder to lean on....or to sob into....or to have some very strong arms to entwine around me during those frightening moments of uncertainty. Someone that I can bounce ideas off of..... Someone to say, "I'm here. You're doing fine."
This would mean all the world to me.
But for whatever reason....it seems that I am alone. Even though I've had a few near misses lately.....of people expressing interest.....but then for whatever reason not following through......it seems that I am to face all these things alone.
I don't like it.
But what am I gonna do?
God knows.....why all this is happening.....and why....I am alone.
5 comments:
"And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help-meet for him.
And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave F16 names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
I'm sure there is one, created and waiting. Hang in there, Frank.
T@C
Frank,
You have certainly had a rough time lately, but I am impressed with how you are handling everything. You obviously are a strong person. I know, too, what it means to have someone to share with, to lean on, to support you. I know it will happen to you; you are a great person!
Joseph
It's normal to want to be cared for, to have someone take care of us at least a little bit.
The answer might not come the way you expect it. Look around at how your needs are being met now. You mention Davy the wonder dog. He sounds like a fine canine companion. Of course he doesn't meet all your needs, but give him credit for what he can do. I don't know your situation, or who else may be in your life. But consider how some of your support and companionship needs are being met through friends and other associates.
I really hope that special someone will come into your life soon.
Things are as they are around you for a reason. There is something for you to learn or gain from this. Yes, we both agree it's not the appreciation of having a mate - you have already learned that. Maybe it's something like learning that you are very good and solid on your own or to see what is supportive in your surroundings.
You have the strength for living this time in your life.
Frank;
While I do not subscribe to the view that everything that happens to us is part of the “divine plan”. I do not think that the LORD is that nasty or that detail oriented. But I do subscribe to the notion that good can come out of all things. I believe that you will grow from this experience, and that you will be in a better position to be Mr. Right, more confident, and less dependent, when he does show up.
But, of course, all this stuff is a real slug to the gut right now! Maybe it is time to get Davy’s leash and go out for some long walks, might do you both some good to socialize. Dog parks are great places.
Rick
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