A Cold Fall Day

It's a cold day and I am afraid that my mood is matching the weather.

My daughter, Jessica, arrived home from El Salvador on Friday night as planned, but she is sick as can be! She's been home for almost a week now, and it hasn't been much fun having her around. Poor thing is miserable, but she won't take her meds as directed because they don't taste good. I'm frustrated.

On top of this, I'm not getting much quality time with her because of the family on the other side. They have all descended upon her like vultures demanding pieces of her time. This includes the delightful Lovey, who is also playing doctor.

Inside I am very resentful.

Lovey spent over a week with her in El Salvador at the beginning of this year for goodness sakes. I've not seen her in almost two WHOLE years! Due to the fact of everyone else being on my payroll, I can't afford a trip to El Salvador for extensive one-on-one time.

The dentist even got some good quality time with her!

Then, coming into my office this morning I had a long discussion with my mother. Bless her heart. She is so discouraged about her chemotherapy, her illness, her lack of strength, and everything in general. She doesn't want anymore chemo.

I tried to put on a positive front. I told her that she at least should finish her scheduled treatments and see what the next scan reveals about her lungs before making any grand prounouncements of discontinuing the chemo.

So, yet again, I think I have succeeded in keeping mom on even keel.

I feel so helpless.

AND...

I know....here comes my standard whining mantra...:

I feel so very ALONE.

I suppose I am thankful for the near misses I have encountered recently of men who have shown some interest. But none of those worked out in the end. It's so frustrating....and so hurtful.... I am now paranoid about any man that is nice to me because I'm wondering if he is "interested" or just being "nice."

One man in particular is someone that I really longed to be with. He seemed to have some qualities that I really liked. I could be a good mate for him. I know it. I am familiar with his profession....and could provide encouragement in ways that I don't think he is even aware of.

But, alas, he has someone else.

I'm the chopped liver.

He is clueless.

Still, I try to remain optimistic.

The new guy that I mentioned in my last post continues to be "interesting." He and I shared a meal a couple of days ago. He's intelligent, nice looking, and a professional. He says that he wants to get to know me better. I expressed the same interest. He's been very busy...and we're making plans, quietly to share another meal and do some talking.

Stay tuned everyone!

Will Frank EVER find a mate?