A Reported Death

One of my dear friends wrote me this note:

Dear Frank

I stumbled across the above obituary on Sunday night while reading the newspaper. What caught my eye is that the guy graduated from the same high school in the same hometown as me. When I mentioned it to my mom this morning on the phone, she said that when she read about his death in the newspaper recently, she thought that he might have died "from the AIDS" because years ago, the newspaper had a committment ceremony announcement for this guy and his male partner. My mom is a friend of this guy's mother, and it turns out that this brilliant young man had killed himself when his reconcilliation with his ex-partner had crumbled. They'd dissolved their civil union in back in 2005.

My mom tells me that the grieving mother hurts so badly that she hasn't been able to return to work. Although I don't know the deceased (he was eight years my junior), I can certainly relate to the horrible sense of pain and feelings of worthlessness surrounding the end of a long-term relationship. How sad it must be to reconcile with an ex, only to have that effort fail and then go through the pain of breaking up all over again. Perhaps it's just the connection to my hometown, or the eerie fact that my mom is friends with his mom - for whatever reason, I keep thinking about how sorry I feel for everyone involved in this senseless tragedy.


I certainly relate to these feelings of worthlessness at the end of a longterm relationship too. My one comfort is that I made it through the demise of my marriage. It was a very long journey. At times I thought I'd not get through it. But I did.

I continue to grow stronger.

I saw this growth first hand over the weekend.

In a very big way...

Lovey had me over to her mother's to help her and her family celebrate the holidays on behalf of our daughter Jessica. It was very interesting to be in their midst yet another time...but it was also rather relaxing to know that while I was there....the roles had changed and I was a guest. I wasn't expected to be "on" or to put up with a lot of the stuff I once felt that I had to.

There is something to be said for living a quiet, peaceful and single existence. It's quiet and really very relaxing. You don't have to worry about the demise of a relationship.

So, as I sit here...contemplating my singleness....dealing with the occasional swells of longing for a special man.....I am learning to be content in all things.

Today.