Sometimes I still feel like I'm stuck on that god-forbidden roller coaster known as my life.
Of late I have been feeling quite good about myself. I am slowing down...and trying to catch my breath... I try so hard to realize that I'm in charge now...and that I can do this.
But then there are times that I feel like a lost orphan. Where do I turn? What do I do?
Then, there are days like today where I just don't know anymore.
For the past little while I have felt like my old self. I'm content. I'm happy. I'm thankful for all the blessing God has given me.
But I experienced a disturbance of that tranquility this week....and it has upset my entire week.
I should know better.
My son announced earlier this week that he is getting married next week!
He's 23 and she's 21.
He's only known her for 6 months.
Here's how it's gonna work:
They're gonna get married at the courthouse in Georgia sometime next week. His wife-to-be says that family is not necessary...so they aren't telling any more details. They don't want her parent to know because it would stop some financial support they are giving to her.
She will continue to live in Georgia.
She is not changing her last name.
He will continue to live in Texas.
He will send her the extra money he gets from the military due to his change of marital status.
I asked him a day or so ago as to why he was rushing things so. I also suggested that she tell her parents sooner than later because if they are still listing his soon-to-be wife on their tax forms, they need to know.
That's when the yelling began.
It was awful.
He totally twisted my meaning.....and accused me of saying that he was impulsive and not knowing what he was doing.
The phone call ended very nastily. Within the hour I had an email from HER. This is the first communication I have had from HER.
I was not impressed.
She sounds like a gold digger....and the really troubling aspect of this is how she said that the reason she wanted only a few people to know about her and my son was that if it didn't work out, they could all have a big laugh and treat this all as one BIG joke!
Do you suppose she and Brittany Spears are cut from the same cloth?
I digress.
Once I read her email a number of times, I was tempted to toast her cookies. I could have flamed her and left her as toast.
But I decided that I needed to proceed with caution and to take the high road. I gave her a pass -- this time.
Still I am concerned about my little boy. I think she is out to take advantage of him.
And he doesn't even know it.
So, I am keeping my mouth shut and watching all this unfold.
It would be so nice to have someone hold me right now.
But that's another story for another day.
4 comments:
Your best bet is to support him emotionally and LET HIM MAKE HIS OWN MISTAKES!!! As hard as it is to know your child is not making the best of decisions, it's best that you let him "own" his decision.
If you let your "concerns" known, you will risk the chance of losing him either now or later on when he learns the truth for himself.
Keep you heart open and let him know you are always there for him.
Been there, done that and learned my lesson the hard way.
Too often is it so tempting to "try" to warn somebody, then let them make their mistake, then hiss back with an "I told you so."
But that isn't right. It definitely doesn't feel good when someone does it to US.
I agree with Jerzyguy. If his mind is made up, then let him make this decision and let him live his life as he wants. And let him know that you will be there for him if any problems arise. Other than that, it may be best to keep out of the fray if both parties are still mad at you.
I'm actually kind of surprised that he told you this, too. Then again, maybe he cares about you enough to let you know, rather than keep you in the dark.
I know, being inexperienced at any of this, I may not actually have the right answers. But you are an intelligent man...I am sure you will do the right thing. :)
Also, did you get any of my recent e-mails? Just wanted to make sure you were alright. Send me an e-mail when you can.
Take good care of yourself. Hope to hear from you soon.
-- Marc
Frank;
You have cautioned your son. He did not want to hear it (the reaction seem actually to me like he did hear it, it resonated with thoughts in the back of his mind that he does not want to admit and thus he "needed" to defend his decision). In any case your message was given. Now all that you can do is love him and support him emotionally when he needs it.
rick
You have my sympathy. This is a tough and painful situation, and I agree with the advice already given here. In some ways your son's situation mirrors my own, when my husband and I got married at those same age in a Georgia courthouse without our parents' knowledge and against all rational advice. We beat the odds. We're still going strong, stronger than ever. But I would never advise anyone to do it like we did. We have gone on to do even bigger foolish things, and have learned a lot from our mistakes. Sometimes the only way to learn is to make the mistakes yourself.
Take a deep breath, love your son even though he is being an absolute fool, and try to let go of the anxiety. Good luck!
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