Reflections...

It's been a busy few days. My 4 year old grand son came for a visit. On Saturday we took him to the National Air and Space Museum and the Natural History Museum. We had a grand time. The temperature was spring like...and it was good just being outside.

While out...the weather changed. Thunderstorms hit the area and, well, the advancing cold front dropped the temperature down into the lower 40s.... The rest of the evening I stayed huddled in my house...and on Saturday I went to church. For lunch I invited a new man from the congregation to join me.

We had a good visit...but it affected me profoundly -- not in a good way.

His history with his former wife was a mirror of what I had with Lovey....but his relationships with men are nothing compared to the special relationship I now have with Chris. My new friend was married to a man for many years. It sounds like it was indeed a strange relationship...in ways I can't really relate to. There was a disconnect on several levels. There was a serious lack of intimacy...and some anger management issues.

I hurt for my new friend as he told some of the horror stories he had to share.

Men are such sexual beings. I don't understand all the gay couples I've talked with who have no sex life.... I've also learned of profound sexual abuse and violence. I don't get that either.

So it is no wonder that by the end of the visit....and by the time I had gotten into my car, I felt drained emotionally. As he talked about his life with his ex-wife, I went right back there with him and relived the horrors of my marriage. I guess my emotional exhaustion should not be all that surprising.

The one factor that I did find surprising is the fact that I still have bitterness hanging around for Lovey.