Frank was a busy boy this weekend. I had two dates: two honest to goodness dates with two separate and "available" men.
Friday night was a date with a very nice and gentle man that is two years younger than me. He works in the IT profession, has always been gay (no apologies), been involved with a few relationships and now he is looking for that special someone with that special spark.
Saturday night was a date with a very nice and attractive doctor who is in his late 50s. He is currently married and has been for over 30 years. The wife knows and is supportive of his finding that elusive closed loop relationship.
As I spent time with the good doctor, it was fascinating to me to hear how his past relationships with men have worked and how his wife has reacted to them.
It wasn't that long ago that I was married and looking for the same thing he is looking for with the blessing of my wife. After the divorce a number of straights told me how disingenious(?) that was and that I was wanting to "have my cake and eat it too!"
I used to hate hearing that said to me. I never felt there was any cake. It was just a way for me to survive. I wasn't out to intentionally deceive my wife....or set out to lie to her about who I was. It was just a tortured path of trying to gain insight and understanding into who I was.
The doctor and I had a long discussion. It seems like she has total control of him. If the man in her husband's life does not act or behave like she thinks he should, then he is aggressive and she isn't happy.
He had a three year releationship with such a man. His wife did not get along with the doctor's boyfriend or the boyfriend's wife because they didn't go along with some of her seemingly goofy ideas. She wanted details of her husband's and his boyfriend's romantic life. The boyfriend told her it was none of her business. The boyfriend kissed the doctor in front of her. She didn't like that and had something to say about it. The list goes on and on and on. I asked the doctor if he was affectionate with his wife in front of the boyfriend. He says no.
Why does it seem that marriage with a woman is about control?
For all the relationships he has had with men, I doubt if he has truly bee "IN LOVE" with one totally. I think he is too afraid to explore that. Oh he hurled the love word a lot in his discussion, but I just feel it wasn't the kind of love I am looking for.
While I had a reasonably good time with the doctor, his wife's control/involvement bothers me. It seems that if her husband becomes deeply involved with a man, she feels she has to keep everyone informed that SHE is the primary relationship with her man.
I've never met the woman....and at this point, I don't think that I do.
I am seeing this from a totally new perspective. I think my preference are for single gay men....whether divorced or single/never married.
I want someone that I can focus on without interference or bossiness......just as I can offer someone the same.
How much more complex can all this get?
