Whoah Cowboy...!

I am afraid of doing something really stupid, like using a bazooka to kill a fly, when all that was needed is a fly swatter!

Oh, don't mind me. I always get this way and second guess my feelings and my approach to things when it comes to dealing with Lovey.

I heard from my military son yesterday. Lovey is funding his trip from Texas to here so that he can participate in his grandmother's 80th Birthday celebration this Saturday. Of course, this is her mother's birthday we're talking about....and this is another of those family gatherings that will be the source of much entertainment for days and weeks ahead. It always happens. Love and her sisters are into appearance and control. Grandma is too. So, imagine when the five of them are working to create the perfect social event of the century.

I think you get the picture.

My son was not interested in coming to this event in the first place. But Lovey is making him come. As a condition of her paying his way, he is flying into her area and spending two glorious nights with her. Then he is driving up here with her. He HAS to attend the birthday bash and he also HAS to attend church Sunday Morning with his mom, Grandma, and assorted others.

Poor guy. I know him....and this is going to be sheer torture.

Well, the spot where I am tempted at going nuclear is based on an email I received from Lovey this morning. Here's what it said:

"Frank - do you have room for the man to stay a couple of nights? I'm sure he will probably spend a few nights with his friends. I told him that I expected him at the party and at church on Sunday morning, July 18 (would you like to join us for church that morning also?)

Also, he will need a ride to BWI Airport on Thursday, July 22 for a 12:15 pm flight back to Texas. Are you able to help or help him make arrangements for this? (I realize you may not have the time to do this since you have your parents to care for more these days - could you perhaps help him out by getting him hooked up with the shuttle? I have to return home on Tuesday. I hope this is a good trip for him and not any inconvenience for you.

I'm glad you're coming to Mom's party. We will have an opportunity to get photos of our three and of each of us with them (and a couple of the five of us if you would like). Please bring your camera!

I need to get some sleep. Getting his plane ticked worked out so that it fit his schedule and my "budget" took a couple of hours, but I think he's glad to be coming.

I hope you are doing well.

Lovey"

Of course I will take care of my son as I always have! My daughter from Nashville is also going to be "home". So, this will be the first time in 5 years that I will have all my children under my roof at one time!! It is quite exciting for me.

Based on previous contact with Lovey I have seen innocent emails like this contain sub-text...and hidden meanings. It angers me. Given my track record with my kids over the past 26 years, why is it necessary to ask if a child of mine can stay at my place. Then, putting stipulations on his visit....well...I'm kind of frosted. The girls and I are not going to be at church on Sunday....we're headed to Six Flags in Maryland for the day! But now my poor son is locked into church.

I'm sure he loves that.

So based on these issues...and a lot of past history....my inclination is to explode....which will send her back to her therapist.....she would cry....and be the victim.

But, don't worry friends. I am going to soar above my feelings. I'm gonna be nice. I'm gonna enjoy my family....take tons of pictures of my 3 kids together...
Have a home cooked breakfast on Saturday morning at my table.

It just doesn't get much better than this!

God knows...

I'm tired. I have a broken small toe on my right foot. The foot is totally swollen...and the toe is the right color.....the ones next to it have now inherited the bruising. So, being a diabetic, I am watching this very carefully to make sure there are no big problems that could develop.

This afternoon after work was a good one. I got to spend good quality time with a kind and loving friend who helped me to feel like I mattered. I really needed that today.

You know who you are...

It offered some comfort....and a sense of completeness that I needed. He knew it...and he knew just what to do.

My love life is still kind of in limbo. I've met a number of gentlemen who are potential bfs.... They are all so busy. It makes me feel kind of odd in that these men are so wrapped up with their lives....and their friends....that, in one's words, "I don't have time for romance."

Frustrating at best.

At Pride on Sunday, I met up with someone that I have just gotten to know during the past few months. His situation is that he has been married for a very long time. His wife knows and is supportive. In fact she went to the PRIDE festival with him. So, it was my first time to meet her. The man sets my heart aflutter....and it scares me a bit. I don't know how to read his signals. So, I'm not sure what to think. At Pride he apologized for not spending more time with me....he has had some physical limitations due to surgery earlier this week on a bum knee. But he had to leave....because he was tired. When I hugged him goodbye....he kissed me in front of his wife!

That, coupled with some other comments, has led me to wonder if he is feeling something. He has explained that his wife is wanting him to find someone and to "be happy."

So who knows? I go through very long periods of time where I don't hear from him....and then I get signals like this.

Old Frank is learning to be content in his life...and with himself. It is a very slow process. I feel the pressure a bit because of the fact that I am not getting any younger. God knows I'd like to have someone that I can have some quality time with before I get so old and decrepit that I can't enjoy him.

But, the comforting thing to me is that yes, God knows!