Some Really Unsettling News

It is so odd, but in my little life it seems that whenever I think things are beginning to even out and finally I am able to focus on making some serious decisions about my life, WHAM...something else happens and it consumes a lot of my energy.

This time on Saturday morning I learned that my mom's cancer has returned. Then almost as an afterthought, she told me that my dad collapsed in the doctor's office just as she was going to see her doctor at his office. At first they thought he was suffering from a stroke or heart attack. After spending several hours in the waiting room, they determined that dad was suffering from dehydration. This is not a good thing for a man who is 77.

It really bothers me big time to see my parents age. I am also concerned by their poor health and to see what smoking has done to them. Two older people who should really be enjoying life have now been robbed of the good things because of their incessant smoking....that they have done over 60 years. It irks me. It makes me very angry.

Even now they continue to smoke....like chimneys. The smoke only keeps their lungs in a state of irritation which stimulates the cancer development.

I told mom that she and dad needed to think about moving in here with me. They are very defensive about that. They fear their independence will be lost.

And I understand.

But it wouldn't. They would still have their car.....and be able to shop and do whatever they wanted to do. The only catch is that I would be in the vicinity and be able to watch over them and to take care of them.

So who knows how all this is going to work out. Mother says that we should not begin to worry about things until we get the results back of the needle bipsy that is scheduled for Friday. The results should be back by next week.

It's a waiting game.

On a different topic....

June 20 came and went with barely a thought by me. For those of you who don't remember, June 20, 2006 was the date I feared with all my heart. It was the date that Lovey moved out of our house. I remember feeling devestated. It all seems so silly now.

But that is how I felt then.

My world was ending.

But in all actuality, my life was actually just beginning.

Here I sit....still here....and relatively happy.....except for the concerns for my folks. Life is pretty good.

I just need to remain positive and thinking about and counting all of the blessings I have experienced.

Tomorrow is a brand new day.

Valentine's Day and Good News

The snowstorms that have blitzed my region have kept me quite busy. I have been snowed inside with my eldest daughter -- unable to do much of anything, other than watch television and convert my vinyl record collection to digital files. I am slated to return to the office this Wednesday and I am really looking forward to it.

Since returning from my last sojourn to WV, I have been forced to face my parents mortality and my own. I have wondered how I am going to deal with their increasing needs...and their lessening willingness to cooperate. To be honest, I am at my wit's end.

But within the past two weeks I have gotten somewhat of a reprieve from everything. Mother has recovered significantly from her massive stroke on Christmas Day. She has been cleared to drive a car by her doctor, but she must first get certified by the local hospital. She is planning to do that shortly. At the moment, she does appear to have a little short term memory loss...but nothing major. Everything is returning gradually.

She is one fortunate little lady.

Since December and her stroke, I have been concerned about the results of her December CT scan which revealed two new spots on her lung. When I went back there in early February we had a PET scan which would reveal new cancer growth. To be honest, I was horrified at the possible results. Well, several days ago, I got to speak with mom's oncologist directly, who said that those "new" spots were actually scar tissue left over from her cancer battle of over a year ago. They did a full body scan which revealed that mother has no new cancer in her body. She is in remission.

WONDERFUL

So she is recovered well from the stroke....and is cancer free at the moment. WHEW!

Dad had a battery of tests on his cancer...and the results of his last PET scan show that his cancer is responding favorably to his chemo...which appears milder than what mother went through. He has not had any of the negativity...the loss of hair...etc. He's even gaining weight now.

So that is good news.

My Valentine's presents!

Still...in the back of my mind, I have that old familiar longing....of wanting someone to love...and to be loved by.

No new candidates on the horizon...just the same familiar crushes I've had for several years now. These men that I long for will occasionally send a nugget of attention my way...and I eat it up...hopeful that it will somehow work out.

Today, such a man spent a considerable amount of time talking with me. He assures me that we are going to "get together" when his schedule permits. Gosh I hope so.

The soap opera of my life continues...

Finally Back to Virginia

Well, mother and dad were well enough for me to travel home this week. I got home on Saturday afternoon. I have so much to do here this week, but due to all the medical appointments and such both parents have next week, I have to go back this coming Sunday. This time, however, I am going to take the AMTRAK train. It's only $50 each way...and it will give me time to catch up on ME and to get myself syched for giving care to both parents.

Although it is good being home, I am finding that I am unable to sleep. It's like I can't let things go and just rest. It also has not helped that each morning, I have awakened to the sound of a jangling telephone that turned out to be those god-foresaken telephone solicitors. DANG!

I went to church on Sunday morning. It was so good to connect with my friends and to feel their loving concern. They told me how much I was missed...and it made me feel good.

Speaking of friends, I had a male friend come to see me on Saturday evening....another one on Sunday evening, and tonight a host of church friends are having me over for pizza and cards. I am so blessed.

So, dear readers, keep me in your prayers.

This whole thing with my parents has only exacerbated my feelings of aloneness.

Time For Some Good News (For now)

Mom came home from the hospital yesterday afternoon about 1pm. She immediately sat down to her computer and began playing with FACEBOOK and also typing emails with both hands pretty fast. By watching, you would never know the woman had suffered a stroke just a couple of weeks ago! She continues to improve. Hopefully the coming week will be nothing but improvements.

Dad continues to be a bit rattled. Dealing with him is frustrating for me because he is so very child like. I have been here for two weeks, and I am a bit frightened at the prospect of leaving them alone. But they assure me that they can take care of themselves this week.

I am going to be leaving tomorrow...to work this week. However, next week I need to return so that I can shuttle them to their host of medical appointments and dad's chemotherapy. I find that all this is quite stressful....and worrisome.

The home care nurses are going to be dropping by several times this week...plus the physical therapists will also be checking in on her. All my nearby relatives are also going to be popping in and calling them. They will all be keeping in touch with me.

The other thing I am worried about is the fact that mom has two new spots on one of her lungs. A scan must be scheduled so that we know what is going on. However, we're awaiting word from the insurance company to bless this approach.

I am working diligently to remain "happy."