It’s Friday and this is my first day back in the office. It’s been quite a ride for these past few days…and yesterday I was in no mood to return. I did not sleep well in my own bed on my first night back. My mind was racing as I thought about my dad and how much he has lost ground since I last saw him in February.
It’s upsetting to see someone so full of life, shuffling…stoop-shouldered….nearly lifeless and gasping for air.
I’m still bothered by it all.
AND…in the back of my mind, I am remembering mother’s last series of chemotherapy. She was wiped out….but Dad was there for her. This time, if she goes through the same dose of chemo, Dad just is not able to care for her as he had been the last time. So, what am I gonna do?
Do I retire, sell my house, and move in with them?
Mom says, “It will all work out.”
But I am a planner. I need to have plan A, B & C ready with a host of contingencies if these all fail.
But I don’t….
Not in this case.
Yesterday Dad had a battery of blood work. They did the scan of his head to see if there is evidence of Cancer in his brain. Gosh I pray not.
So, today I am on pins and needles playing the waiting game.
I need to focus on my job now.
Showing posts with label cancer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cancer. Show all posts
Friday, July 09, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Some Really Unsettling News
It is so odd, but in my little life it seems that whenever I think things are beginning to even out and finally I am able to focus on making some serious decisions about my life, WHAM...something else happens and it consumes a lot of my energy.
This time on Saturday morning I learned that my mom's cancer has returned. Then almost as an afterthought, she told me that my dad collapsed in the doctor's office just as she was going to see her doctor at his office. At first they thought he was suffering from a stroke or heart attack. After spending several hours in the waiting room, they determined that dad was suffering from dehydration. This is not a good thing for a man who is 77.
It really bothers me big time to see my parents age. I am also concerned by their poor health and to see what smoking has done to them. Two older people who should really be enjoying life have now been robbed of the good things because of their incessant smoking....that they have done over 60 years. It irks me. It makes me very angry.
Even now they continue to smoke....like chimneys. The smoke only keeps their lungs in a state of irritation which stimulates the cancer development.
I told mom that she and dad needed to think about moving in here with me. They are very defensive about that. They fear their independence will be lost.
And I understand.
But it wouldn't. They would still have their car.....and be able to shop and do whatever they wanted to do. The only catch is that I would be in the vicinity and be able to watch over them and to take care of them.
So who knows how all this is going to work out. Mother says that we should not begin to worry about things until we get the results back of the needle bipsy that is scheduled for Friday. The results should be back by next week.
It's a waiting game.
On a different topic....
June 20 came and went with barely a thought by me. For those of you who don't remember, June 20, 2006 was the date I feared with all my heart. It was the date that Lovey moved out of our house. I remember feeling devestated. It all seems so silly now.
But that is how I felt then.
My world was ending.
But in all actuality, my life was actually just beginning.
Here I sit....still here....and relatively happy.....except for the concerns for my folks. Life is pretty good.
I just need to remain positive and thinking about and counting all of the blessings I have experienced.
Tomorrow is a brand new day.
This time on Saturday morning I learned that my mom's cancer has returned. Then almost as an afterthought, she told me that my dad collapsed in the doctor's office just as she was going to see her doctor at his office. At first they thought he was suffering from a stroke or heart attack. After spending several hours in the waiting room, they determined that dad was suffering from dehydration. This is not a good thing for a man who is 77.
It really bothers me big time to see my parents age. I am also concerned by their poor health and to see what smoking has done to them. Two older people who should really be enjoying life have now been robbed of the good things because of their incessant smoking....that they have done over 60 years. It irks me. It makes me very angry.
Even now they continue to smoke....like chimneys. The smoke only keeps their lungs in a state of irritation which stimulates the cancer development.
I told mom that she and dad needed to think about moving in here with me. They are very defensive about that. They fear their independence will be lost.
And I understand.
But it wouldn't. They would still have their car.....and be able to shop and do whatever they wanted to do. The only catch is that I would be in the vicinity and be able to watch over them and to take care of them.
So who knows how all this is going to work out. Mother says that we should not begin to worry about things until we get the results back of the needle bipsy that is scheduled for Friday. The results should be back by next week.
It's a waiting game.
On a different topic....
June 20 came and went with barely a thought by me. For those of you who don't remember, June 20, 2006 was the date I feared with all my heart. It was the date that Lovey moved out of our house. I remember feeling devestated. It all seems so silly now.
But that is how I felt then.
My world was ending.
But in all actuality, my life was actually just beginning.
Here I sit....still here....and relatively happy.....except for the concerns for my folks. Life is pretty good.
I just need to remain positive and thinking about and counting all of the blessings I have experienced.
Tomorrow is a brand new day.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
A Brand New Year ~ Blah!
Greetings to all of you. This is perhaps the longest I have gone without writing something. For this I apologize. But much has happened, so let me take a few moments to update all of you.
First, the day before Thanksgiving, my dad received word that he has lung cancer. So this started a battery of treatments and he has been doing very well in his chemo treatments. I was in WV with my parents for Thanksgiving and with my daughters. It was probably the bluest Thanksgiving I have had because of the uncertainty of dad's diagnosis. Nevertheless, we seemed to survive.
As Christmas approached, I decided to have a very lowkey Christmas...and not do anything -- just stay home....count my blessings and plan to go back to WV after the beginning the year to help with dad's treatments. Coupled with all this, the weather was dangerous around Christmas with icestorms forecasted for the Shenandoah Valley and I-81 corridor on Christmas Day.
Well, to add more drama to my life, I received a telephone call from my daughter who had chosen to spend Christmas with my parents. She said that my mother was acting "funny"...and when I head more, I thought she was either having a manifestation of cancer in the brain or having a stroke. My daughter was able to get mom to the hospital in time. The diagnosis was a massive stroke. Thankfully, she got the help she needed and was home within three days with minimal longterm damage.
I went to WV last week to spend time with my parents and to help them get to their medical appointments, but last Thursday, mom was sent back to the hospital because of a high white blood cell count and the fact that she had an unknown mass in her lower abdomen. They were very afraid of cancer. (They said she has two new spots on her lung...but we will deal with this after her current hospitalization.)
So, as of this writing, mom is still in the hospital. I'm still in WV...and my daughter that lives with me is here also. It has been very frightening for me, an only child.
And my life continues....
First, the day before Thanksgiving, my dad received word that he has lung cancer. So this started a battery of treatments and he has been doing very well in his chemo treatments. I was in WV with my parents for Thanksgiving and with my daughters. It was probably the bluest Thanksgiving I have had because of the uncertainty of dad's diagnosis. Nevertheless, we seemed to survive.
As Christmas approached, I decided to have a very lowkey Christmas...and not do anything -- just stay home....count my blessings and plan to go back to WV after the beginning the year to help with dad's treatments. Coupled with all this, the weather was dangerous around Christmas with icestorms forecasted for the Shenandoah Valley and I-81 corridor on Christmas Day.
Well, to add more drama to my life, I received a telephone call from my daughter who had chosen to spend Christmas with my parents. She said that my mother was acting "funny"...and when I head more, I thought she was either having a manifestation of cancer in the brain or having a stroke. My daughter was able to get mom to the hospital in time. The diagnosis was a massive stroke. Thankfully, she got the help she needed and was home within three days with minimal longterm damage.
I went to WV last week to spend time with my parents and to help them get to their medical appointments, but last Thursday, mom was sent back to the hospital because of a high white blood cell count and the fact that she had an unknown mass in her lower abdomen. They were very afraid of cancer. (They said she has two new spots on her lung...but we will deal with this after her current hospitalization.)
So, as of this writing, mom is still in the hospital. I'm still in WV...and my daughter that lives with me is here also. It has been very frightening for me, an only child.
And my life continues....
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Happy Thanksgiving All!
Sorry that it has been so long since I last posted anything here. My life continues to be filled with all kinds of drama. So here is a very brief update.
My daughter has returned to El Salvador to close up shop. She has been there almost two full weeks and will return on Wednesday. My son has been visiting with me since last Monday and returns to Texas tomorrow evening. My other daughter in Nashville has been very busy and got to sing the National Anthem at a Coast Guard graduation ceremony in Georgia this weekend. She nailed it, from what I hear. This is so awesome. I am so very proud of her.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, my mother, who is in remission from bone and lung cancer, is suffering tremendous back pain and has not told her doctors about this...or has even told me. I heard about this from my daughter in Nashville. My mom is putting this off until her next full body scan in early December.
My dad was found to have a spot on his lung....and had it biopsied last week. We hope to find out what is going on there sometime this week. Hopefully it will turn out to be something very minor.
I have just recovered from my seasonal bout of Asthma.... I'm now able to breathe fully again. On top of this, I am on pins and needles worrying about my parents.
So, inside I feel like a wreck. But I keep smiling.
Sometimes I feel like I am going to explode from all the negativity I feel. I need some miracles in my life....
Hey God, are you listening?
My daughter has returned to El Salvador to close up shop. She has been there almost two full weeks and will return on Wednesday. My son has been visiting with me since last Monday and returns to Texas tomorrow evening. My other daughter in Nashville has been very busy and got to sing the National Anthem at a Coast Guard graduation ceremony in Georgia this weekend. She nailed it, from what I hear. This is so awesome. I am so very proud of her.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, my mother, who is in remission from bone and lung cancer, is suffering tremendous back pain and has not told her doctors about this...or has even told me. I heard about this from my daughter in Nashville. My mom is putting this off until her next full body scan in early December.
My dad was found to have a spot on his lung....and had it biopsied last week. We hope to find out what is going on there sometime this week. Hopefully it will turn out to be something very minor.
I have just recovered from my seasonal bout of Asthma.... I'm now able to breathe fully again. On top of this, I am on pins and needles worrying about my parents.
So, inside I feel like a wreck. But I keep smiling.
Sometimes I feel like I am going to explode from all the negativity I feel. I need some miracles in my life....
Hey God, are you listening?
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Some VERY Good News
Heard from my friend Lily today. Her scan yesterday revealed that the cancer has not spread....and so once the organ is removed, she will be in tip-top shape and should be able to come back to work within the next 2-3 weeks. YIPPEE. This is a tremendous answer to our prayers. Thank you friends for remembering her.
********
So far this weekend has been pretty good. I have spent some quality time with my daughter. I've spoken to my other daughter from Nashville who has made the journey to West Virginia to visit her grandparents. They were so pleasantly pleased that she joined them. I am glad she did this.
My son, on the other hand is in limbo. He had announced great plans to marry a woman from Georgia this week...but it looks like that this is off for now. I'm am very relieved about this. He needs to just chill and get to know her a little better before he goes off and marries her.
WHEW.
Other than this, I have had a basically uneventful week. It has been very busy. But thank goodness for weekends.
In other news, I have been dating.
Yup dating.
I am not sure where it will all lead....but at least I am putting myself out there to meet guys....and spend time with them. Please note that this does not mean that I have been getting them between the sheets.....as a matter of fact, I have not done that at all with any of my prospective beaus.
But I must say, it has been good to be in the presence of some very charming men.
I am taking my time....and getting to know them. Who knows? One of them could turn out to be my husband!
Stay tuned....and keep that happy energy flowing in my direction!
More later.
********
So far this weekend has been pretty good. I have spent some quality time with my daughter. I've spoken to my other daughter from Nashville who has made the journey to West Virginia to visit her grandparents. They were so pleasantly pleased that she joined them. I am glad she did this.
My son, on the other hand is in limbo. He had announced great plans to marry a woman from Georgia this week...but it looks like that this is off for now. I'm am very relieved about this. He needs to just chill and get to know her a little better before he goes off and marries her.
WHEW.
Other than this, I have had a basically uneventful week. It has been very busy. But thank goodness for weekends.
In other news, I have been dating.
Yup dating.
I am not sure where it will all lead....but at least I am putting myself out there to meet guys....and spend time with them. Please note that this does not mean that I have been getting them between the sheets.....as a matter of fact, I have not done that at all with any of my prospective beaus.
But I must say, it has been good to be in the presence of some very charming men.
I am taking my time....and getting to know them. Who knows? One of them could turn out to be my husband!
Stay tuned....and keep that happy energy flowing in my direction!
More later.
Friday, August 14, 2009
My Friend, Lily
One of my greatest friends in the whole wide world is a lady that works with me,that I will refer to as "Lily."
Lily has only worked in my office about a year and a half, but we became fast friends. We have lots of the same interests. She has young kids. I've been to her house several times...and the woman can cook like you would not believe.
She is a wonderful writer.....and avid photographer.....and just an overall sweet disposition.
This past Tuesday she was scheduled to return from her vacation. However, over the past few months she has complained with back problems. She had trouble standing and sitting. We found out Tuesday morning that she had been diagnosed with shingles.
Later on in the day, she found out that it was really worse, much worse. She has a rare form of cancer that is not treatable with chemo and radiation. She had a PT scan today...and from what I have heard...it wasn't a bad report. So they will remove the tumor and a major organ...and hopefully she will be cancer free.
Her surgery is set for this Monday. Please remember her in your thoughts and prayers.
Lily has only worked in my office about a year and a half, but we became fast friends. We have lots of the same interests. She has young kids. I've been to her house several times...and the woman can cook like you would not believe.
She is a wonderful writer.....and avid photographer.....and just an overall sweet disposition.
This past Tuesday she was scheduled to return from her vacation. However, over the past few months she has complained with back problems. She had trouble standing and sitting. We found out Tuesday morning that she had been diagnosed with shingles.
Later on in the day, she found out that it was really worse, much worse. She has a rare form of cancer that is not treatable with chemo and radiation. She had a PT scan today...and from what I have heard...it wasn't a bad report. So they will remove the tumor and a major organ...and hopefully she will be cancer free.
Her surgery is set for this Monday. Please remember her in your thoughts and prayers.
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