Everything Leaves Its Mark

This past weekend I went to a church that’s not my “home” church.

I didn’t go to my “home” church for many reasons, but mainly because “Lovey” is still on staff until mid-June. I also didn’t go because I don’t know if I really want to continue going there or not.

Primarily this is due to the fact that the pastor, the associate pastor and the interim pastor, key staff members, and various church members have done an excellent job at making me feel invisible. I suppose that they, along with a lot of my other “friends” have felt the need to take sides over the “divorce” thing, and I’m not considered to be the winning team to gain their affections or even their concern.

While I realize that this is a normal part of the divorce process, I am surprised that trained ministers cannot pick up the telephone to just say something like, “Hi Frank! I know that this has been a little tough on you. Are you okay? I just wanted you to know that I’m thinking about you.”

I’ve not been at the church there for several months now. Only a very few have made such a call to me….and for this I am quite grateful. When I’ve spoken to “Lovey” about this, she says it’s because that the ministry staff feels that this is such an “awkward situation.” You’d think that such highly trained and skilled professionals would find such awkwardness easy to navigate – especially since none of those involved are novice ministers.

One of my kids said that it’s probably because I’ve not been around….maybe I should call them. My feeling is that Jesus never waited for the “lost” sheep to call him to say, “Hey Jesus! Just thought I would call to tell you, I’m lost.” He sort of went looking for those he thought were missing….or sick….or injured…..or wounded….

My wounds are healing. But they have left their marks upon me….scars.

It’s funny how when I’ve been in a bad way and I go to church, the sermon always seems to speak directly to my situation.

This week’s message at the church I attended talked about how one can tell the age of a tree, based on it’s rings that’s made by the substances that accumulate over a year inside the trunk. The rings mark the age of a tree.

The minister then went on to discuss how various life events mark us and help develop us as individuals and how encounters with God also leave marks. When we wrestle with God about His plan for our lives, it leaves its mark.

However, in spite of all the marks life leaves on us, God still loves us……unconditionally…in spite of our foibles….our dramas…our quirks.

This sermon has been a source of great comfort to me so far this week. I’ve kept that it mind as I have beat myself up for my shortcomings…..for my failures……for my divorce…..for my gayness…..for my drama…..for my quirks.

This journey isn’t an easy one.