Smiles

I guess I'm in a writing mood today. So, look out, there could be more than one post for today. I don't know.

Life has been so rotten for so long, it's so cool to be able to smile again....and to laugh.....and to just enjoy being me.

A few days ago, I splurged and bought a camera for my Mac. I decided to do this for two reasons actually -- the first being that I could communicate with my kids and other family by voice and by face. The second reason is that I could enter into the realm of video chat with some of my friends out in cyber space -- some of whom I have never met.

Two things really stand out. The guys with whom I have had such chatting invariably comment on my eyes and my smile. Hmmmm...I never thought that my eyes were anything special than just being eyes. The smile part? Well, since I haven't had very much to smile about int he past few years, those comments took me off guard.

So, I took a few moments....got on my computer.....activated the camera and just looked at myself for a few moments. No...I have't gone narcissistic. But I tried to look at me the way others do. I looked at my face....my hair......my wrinkles (not too many of those for someone at 48)....and then it happened.

I smiled.

And as I watched myself smile.....the smile got bigger!

I think I saw it....what the other guys have noted. I guess as smiles go, it's a great smile. It feels good to smile. I have a lot to be happy about...really. So, it definitely seems that I have turned another corner in my journey.

And the smiles are beginning to expand.....into laughter! This is definitely different!!!

Last night, a dear friend, his wife, and elderly mother took me to dinner to celebrate my birthday. (Yeah...we're back to that again.) I arrived early...and was all settled in, when they arrived. But dumb me forgot that the mother was in a wheel chair and where the hosts had placed me was not conducive to wheelchairs. So I moved.

When we all got settled, our waiter appeared. He wasn't just a run of the mill waiter...but this one definitely could stop traffic. He was young and beautiful....and it set off the gaydar BIG TIME. My friends at the table, all of whom know I'm gay....and love me anyway sensed the gay thing. After the waiter departed, my friend's wife said, "Well, in honor of your birthday, I had him be our waiter!" (Not)....but we all burst out laughing. It was a priceless moment....where I didn't feel like such an alien. It definitely was a special birthday moment.

I laughed....heartily....

It was a great way to cap off my first birthday as single and gay!