Tears and Memories

June 20, 2006 is the date of the move.

As of this writing…”Lovey” has not produced a revised separation agreement. She received my edits in October.

“Lovey” has not yet completed her portion of our joint tax return.

Today is “Lovey’s” final day at her full-time job – the job she has held for the past 11 years – the job she took an $11K pay cut to have because it would save her a bundle as she pursued her Divinity degree.

They threw her a big farewell shindig yesterday….and gave her tokens of esteem for all her hard work.

Daughter #1 was invited to go and to also take pictures. She didn’t want to go. She then said she would go, if I went. I told her that it would be highly inappropriate for me to show up. I wasn’t invited.

“You could take pictures, Dad,” she said.

I still declined.

It just didn’t feel right. I wasn’t invited. I’m the former spouse. There’s no reason for me to have gone.

Daughter #1 did not go either.

Was I wrong for not going?

Guilt begins to rear its ugly head…and it’s glaring at me.

This weekend we had dinner at Mom O’Lovey’s. It was a calm affair. The meal was great.

I never talk a lot at these gatherings. I guess I fear that whatever I say will be taken wrong and I’ll be verbally attacked. Worse yet, I’m afraid I’ll cause tears.

I’m good at causing Lovey to cry.

Flashback to July of last year: after the grand pronouncement, “Lovey” and daughter #1 and I went to see “Monster In-Law”. I enjoyed the film.

Following the movie, discussion centered around weddings and what Daughter #1 was thinking of how her wedding might be. “Better hope that your mother marries into wealth next time ‘round,” I said, trying to make it light. “God knows, I’m gonna be a pauper!”

Lovey burst into tears. “You’re being so cruel” she sobbed.

Yup, that’s me. I think in another life I was the Marquis de Sade.

I vowed then and there to not say anything again to try and lighten any situation. So, in close family situations, I don’t say much. I keep my thoughts to myself.

Also this weekend, Lovey purchased herself new bedroom furniture. The style isn’t anything like I would have thought she would purchase. Guess I don’t know her.

Flashback to a morning in October: my bedroom door bursts open…..and there are those tears….and the screams. How dare I give her these changes to her agreement! Is this how little I thought of her for all those years? How dare I put in a reservation for alimony should my circumstances warrant! How dare I say that she owes me money to bring my retirement accounts on par with hers! I’m cruel. I’ve not been supportive of her. She fled the house that day in tears and didn’t return for 3 days.

Flashback to an evening in November: at the closing on the house. It’s mine. She has her money. She’s signed the documents. The lenders and lawyers step out of the room. She thinks I screwed her out of money. She wanted the proceeds from the HELOC that I've received.

She’d been advised that I’d take advantage of her. Tears…