What a trip and busy time!
It certainly was relaxing and quite enjoyable to get to spend some extensive quality time with two of my children and my parents. However, all the good times were tempered by the death of one of my few remaining uncles. Dad took it quite hard...but made it through the wake and funeral.
I've had some adjustment problems here returning to my usual routine. Sleeping at night has been rough...just because for the past eight weeks or so I have had someone here at the house...and now it is empty. I awaken upon hearing every sound. So, I'm somewhat exhausted.
REFLECTIONS
I learned a lot about myself during the trip though.
For a long time now I've mused about having a boyfriend or a partner or ultimately a husband -- someone that I can grow old with and journey through life with. I've focused on the loneliness that I feel and the fact that I had a indelible ache in my heart as a result of the breakup with Lovey.
This trip showed me that I have indeed adjusted quite well to the single life....and that I actually enjoy my alone time -- so much in fact that I now wonder if in fact if I truly am partner or bf material. I found myself to get quite antsy and frustrated when I didn't have time for me. I hope this doesn't come across as selfish. It's not meant to be....but it just seems to be a new characteristic of the man that I now am.
I think that all this has surfaced as a result of the fact that the dust has pretty much settled from the divorce and I am able to concentrate on what my true feelings are without the murkiness inflicted by the separation and divorce....and my overall neediness.
My kids would love for me to settle down and be happy. I guess I just need to know what all that means -- for me. I just want to live quietly.....and happily........go to work......go to church........enjoy my friends........take trips.......pet my dog.....and just be.
Life is so full of twists and turns.
Who knows what type of man I will ultimately become and if indeed I do enter into a committed relationship with someone?
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