Second Banana Syndrome

I have a case of the blues this morning. It's not helping for this to be such a gloomy and rainy looking day.

Not sure where all this came from.

It's probably from the fact that I had another one of those "Frank" moments on Monday. I spent time with a good friend who lives about 100 miles from me. He's going through a divorce. He's quite younger than me. Then he told me all about his hookups...and how he just can't get enough.

I could relate...

It's called "gay adolescence."

He's going through the exciting period of coming out and discovering himself...and the world of male sex.

He has also met "the love of his life."

That's all he talked about.

His "love" was at work....is 29...about 14 years younger. He kept texting him back and forth. "Wonder if he is thinking of me..." he said incessantly.

Ah...new love.

It's exhillarating.....it makes your heart beat faster.....It's wondrous....

It has been a very long time since Frank has felt this way with someone who felt that way back and it is all catching up with me.

Monday night I met up with a "crush". He wanted to have dinner with me before he left on vacation for Florida. He's the guy that kissed me at gay pride...full on the mouth....in front of his wife....told me that he wanted to spend more time with me.....blah...blah.

We met for dinner...with his wife! She wants to get to know me better. He's making plans for me to see his new house upon their return on August 1. But we go through many periods of non communicating.....he reads my FACEBOOK page....he knows the distance between my house and his new one.....he likes my pictures.....they asked me tons of questions....etc.

But I am beginning to feel that "second banana syndrome." I feel like the perpetual best friend....always the bridesmaid never a bride.

What am I doing wrong?

Bummer!

I have finally arrived home following a very full day at the office and then having to rush off to a board of directors meeting for my homeowners association. I am the secretary -- a position I have held since 1995.

Perhaps it is me being tired -- overly so. But I'm a bit blue tonight.

Jim did not call or email me today.

And I have observed some of the people in my sphere who have partnered up. I'm feeling very much like the fifth wheel. I look at them and I wonder what is wrong with me. I would love to have someone in my life...but it ain't happening.

So I don't know.

It ain't good feeling this way.

Pairing Off

I am still on my soapbox about finding a mate. Sometimes I think this whole thing is going to wind up getting the best of me. I don't want to be alone in the remaining time of my life. I want to have a happy and fulfilled life -- full of love....laughter....happiness...joy. You know, all that good stuff.

This week has really been a downer in terms of my feelings of loneliness....profound sadness....and downright gloom over all this. It sounds pretty silly to all of you out there in the ether of the Internet: this 50 something year old man....who has so much to be thankful for....is sitting and pining away for a relationship. AARGH!

One of the things that tend to make me smile in a warped way...is that one of the most romantic days of the year is Valentine's Day. Many is the day that I have gone into restaurants on that wonderful occasion and seen all the couples paired off. All the folks are of different sizes, shapes, ages, etc. In some cases, I've even shook my head to say, "Wow, how did they ever hook up?" I mean, even some of the ugliest men on the earth has a babe on their arm. Or a most unattractive woman will have a hunk on hers!

Day before yesterday, I was having lunch in our cafeteria. At the same time, where I work is offering free screenings for TAMIFLU. Everyone where I work and those people that live with them can get a free prescription for this drug and will receive the drug in case of an outbreak of an epidemic.

Some of my friends brought their wives...husbands....kids.... One man in particular, who I have always believed to be gay, brought his partner in. Now, I have to tell you, my friend is very attractive. He is well built, relatively young, many attractive qualities -- not to mention an excellent job.

Then I looked at his partner.

He is not what I would have expected.

He was older and the advancing years had not been too kind.

He had lots of facial wrinkles....and just did not give himself to the same robustness that my friend has.

So, as I sat there watching them together.....I couldn't help but wonder, why can't I find someone. What's wrong with me?

I shook my head...got up and returned to my office.