My daughter has badgered me about taking a day off during the week so that we could just have some dad and daughter time.
I finally was able to clea rmy schedule, and today was that day. We did not do anything spectacular. We just played some tennis....had the dogs nails clipped.....also trimmed him ourselves.....and then curled up in the basement to watch some movies in my collection.
During the evening I received some very troubling news. One of my best friends from over 30 years ago died unexpectedly this morning. Her daughter had sent me a message on Facebook. I called her to express my condolences and I am planning to go to the wake or the funeral this weekend.
Not too sure how this is all going to work out, but we will see.
As a courtesy, my daughter called Lovey. She told her the bare basic information, and the connection went dead. After about ten minutes, Lovey phoned back and was all in tears about this death. She said that for some unknown reason, this death had affected her in a bad way. But she couldn't remember any of the details around her family...or anything else about her.
I was perplexed....but then, this is Lovey we're talking about.
Nothing she says or does surprises me anymore.
And so it goes.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Frank's Adventure in a Funeral Home
A few months ago I was perusing the obituaries in the Washington Post.
I know....I know...but it was the only section of the newspaper I had during a very boring lunch. It was on one of those stressful days where I was hiding more than anything during my lunch hour.
As I ate my lunch I turned the page and lo and behold there I was on "that" page.
You know the one.
The one with "those" pictures.
Those pictures of the people who have passed on....who were born in say, 1927...and the picture looks like they were 22.
I digress.
As I scanned the names of those who had recently departed, my eyes fell upon a familiar name.
"Surely not," my mind thought as I read the notice for more details.
The name was right. The wife's name was right. But I didn't know his children. Then came the name of a stepson with a very unique surname.
"Yep, that's him!" I told myself.
So I decided to show up for the wake the following evening at the funeral home listed as across town -- way across town from where I live.
I left the office early that day so that I would be sure to arrive at the designated place and time. Gee, I didn't even know that there was a funeral home in that place. Sure enough, there was.
I arrived early to see a somewhat large group of people that all looked unfamiliar to me. The mortician who reminded me more of Santa in black greeted me at the door.
"These people are also here for the viewing," he said somberly, with a smile. "We're not allowing people in until the widow has had an opportunity to view the corpse," he continued. "I suppose she is stuck in traffic."
So I looked around the room and found a very discreet place to sit down to wait.
As I settled and got all comfy, a few more people came wandering in -- none of whom I knew. The mortician appeared again at my side with a candy dish.
"Would you like to have one of these?" he asked?.
"Thank you" as I reached for a mint.
"The wife of the departed is still not here," he said eyeing the assembling crowd nervously.
"I'm sure she will be here just as soon as she can," I said. The viewing was listed as 5pm, but when I looked at the clock, it was very close to 5:30.
More people arrived. This time there were faces I recognized from almost 30 years ago. Thirty years does make a big change in people.
Others just never change.
Several clergymen had now appeared. Other than for a few more gray hairs....and a sagging jowl here or there, and age lines, they were the same as I knew them in the day. One of them, who I had not had any dealing with in decades seemed to recognize me.
He approached me and I addressed him by name and told him who I was.
"Frank, Frank, Frank!" he said in a condescending tone that seemed to begin in heaven and by the third Frank, had reached hell. I knew something wonderful was about to be emitted from his mouth."
"Frank...how are YOOOU?"
But before I could answer, he continued.
"I heard you got a divorce! What happened? You and your wife used to be such fine Christian people!"
"I'm doing fi---------" but before I could finish he had already leaped five giant steps to another ministerial colleague he had not seen in a while.
Thankfully, other people arrived that I knew....who didn't know the fat, middle aged guy I had become, and they left me alone. I was happy they didn't know me. There was the formerly demon-possessed woman, the convicted child-molestor, the microbiologist, the lobbyist, and other assorted people.
Suddenly, the Santa in black returned to stand by my side.
"She's here", he said cheerfully. "There was a horrible accident on the beltway that had delayed her."
"Oh," I replied.
It was only 45 minutes past the beginning of the viewing time listed in the Washington Post.
After a few more minutes, we were all ushered into the viewing room.
The beautiful wooden box was closed.
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
Gay & Stressed in Huntington, West Virginia
That picture is of my hometown, Huntington, West Virginia! I spent the last week there and it was quite a week. If you are the fan of Jamie Oliver, the Naked Chef, then you are already familiar with this city. It was designated as the least healthy city in the U.S. not long ago, and he produced a reality show there to encourage a change in the city's eating habits....especially among its children. The city is also home to Marshall University. It's football team was wiped out in 1970 in a horrific airplane crash that was told in a recent motion picture, "WE ARE MARSHALL."
I was there because Mom recently had some scans to see how she is doing and to confirm that the lung cancer she has been in remission from is in remission. Well two weeks ago, we found out that it appears to have returned. As Mom learned this news, Dad collapsed and was rushed to the emergency room. They originally thought he was suffering a seizure...or a stroke....or even possibly a heart attack. After several hours and numerous tests, thankfully it was found to be a case of dehydration.
Last Friday a week ago, mom went in for a biopsy of her lung to determine what kind of cancer it was they had discovered. In the process they punctured her lung. It collapsed and she was hospitalized for a couple of days. Dad, who has been kind of rattled by all of his cancer treatments was left alone...and I scrambled to get someone there for him.....because no one bothered to tell me until long after the fact.
Last Monday, their beloved boxer, Charlie, was put down because of his cancer. He had tumors growing in his throat, ears, rectum and left rear leg. The cancer on his rear leg ruptured causing quite a mess. He was in bad shape and he was put down. This put mom and dad both in a grand funk.
Also on Monday, dad began his cyberknife treatment, which is a concentrated dose of radiation on the spot on his lung that was the most troublesome. We won't know until a couple of weeks from now if it was effective or not.
I spent the entire week with them last week....and only returned to my home in VA today. But, that was up in the air because, yesterday Dad fainted for no reason 3 times. One of those times he fell down the front stairs of their house and landed on the concrete sidewalk at the bottom. He was totally disoriented and couldn't remembered what happened.
Mother fears the cancer has gone to his brain. We called the doctor this morning who has ordered a battery of blood work for tomorrow. (Dad refused to go to the emergency room.) He also has an MRI scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully by the end of the day, we should know something more definitive.
So, I feel like the drama never ends.
On a more positive note, I investigated gay life in Huntington, WV a bit more. While there, I did not feel like the fish out of water I normally feel like. It seems that there is a sizeable community there....the majority of which are heavily closeted. Still it's a comfort to know that there are places I can go to just mingle with like minded souls. I even found a gay affirming church....with a gay pastor....and they have annual fundraisers at one of the three gay bars in town.
Imagine that.
I also found out that I have got to learn to relax my guard more....when I'm around other single gay men. At one of the bars, (and I am NOT a bar person), in walked a beautiful man that took my breath away. He came and sat right by me and began chatting with me. Over the course of the evening I learned quite a bit about him. He's an only child....former navy man....has three kids...is 6'3" tall and is just a hunk.
We went to dinner....and chatted a number of times.....and he was interested in doing more than just sharing a meal. But when I talked to him more closely, he was very adament that he was not looking for a relationship. AH....but in spite of that...I could detect that he had a very special quality that would not take much for me to totally fall for him. TOTALLY. He kept telling me what a "hot" man I was. (This coming from a first rate stud.....5 years younger than me. WHEW!) or did I know how really "hot" I was?
It showed me that I do have the potential to fall.....very HARD.....if I can just let myself go....and not be so afraid of getting hurt or rejected in the process.
I also made friends with other men...and women..... They want me to feel welcome to come by the church or the bars anytime I am in town. They made it clear that I am one of them.
Speak of affirmation and belonging...this was certainly a good experience...and helped rejuvenate me during the time of uncertainty surrounding my parents.
Finally, as I headed home, I decided to stop for dinner at a nice restuarant in Staunton, VA. While there, I happened to run into a younger guy that I know. He's gay and has just broken up with his bf. He bent my ear while I ate dinner. He then introduced me to others at the restaurant that he works with....and then he introduced me to other patrons who are "family."
I am exhausted from all this....but I am feeling better and better about myself as a gay man. I'm just working to build up a good support system of friends and others when I need them as I journey this path with my parents.
God, make me strong.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
True Friends and Facebook
I really have had a grand time with Facebook. It has been an excellent way for me to reconnect with long lost relatives, schoolmates from long ago, and to make new connections with church friends, office friends, and others and even make new friends.
However, there is a darker side to Facebook. It has exposed my overly sensitive nature.
I can't help it, but this is just me. As I have become older, I have gotten thicker skinned. Still it can sting a bit when someone de-friends you: one day they are there, posting updates, and you're enjoying what they write. The next day: they're gone. They've disappeared not only from your friend list, but you realize they have blocked you from even searching for their profiles to keep you from maybe refriending them sometime in the future. (God forbid!)
One lady did this to me recently. She was a "friend" from another church I had once belonged to. I see her and her husband at the grocery store all the time. I always say hello to them. When I went to that church, I always had a warm and cordial relationship with them. Well, since she isn't here among my friends any more I am left to wonder. Gee, was it something I said? Was it my breath? Does this mean I no longer have to speak to her when I see her in the grocery store?
There are also those "friends" that I have chosen to drop. I generally am long-suffering and try to understand everyone's opinions and thoughts. But occasionally there are those who espouse certain things or say stuff that cross a line that I no longer can condone. It is then I jettison them from my Facebook Family.
Finally there are those "friends" I try to connect with here at Facebook only to have them ignore me! Not once, not twice, but three times. (It took me a while to "get it.") Some of these are school friends from long ago that I would really like to know how they have been. Still others are from that other church again. Church folks can be so fickle. In one case, I took pictures at a graduation ceremony featuring one of them...and so they seem disinterested in connecting with me. Oh well. Message received. LOUD and CLEAR.
So, as I ponder these social networking sites and the state of friendship...I don't like to let FACEBOOK be the gauge of true friendship. It just doesn't seem right. Still though, I wonder about the actions of those people here. But, there are my other friends. Those are the very special friends who aren't here...who don't want to be here....and have no plans to ever be here.
I like Facebook. To me, Facebook is just a fun thing to do to unwind at the end of a busy day and get to know people better. I will continue to have a good time with it and refuse to let a few twerps rain on my parade!
Today I read a great article about this very thing on WSJ.com. I thought I would run here. It just seems appropriate in light of my little epistle.
Read it and ponder:
How Facebook Ruins Friendships
AUGUST 25, 2009, 9:26 A.M. ET
By ELIZABETH BERNSTEIN
Notice to my friends: I love you all dearly.
But I don't give a hoot that you are "having a busy Monday," your child "took 30 minutes to brush his teeth," your dog "just ate an ant trap" or you want to "save the piglets." And I really, really don't care which Addams Family member you most resemble. (I could have told you the answer before you took the quiz on Facebook.)
Here's where you and I went wrong: We took our friendship online. First we began communicating more by email than by phone. Then we switched to "instant messaging" or "texting." We "friended" each other on Facebook, and began communicating by "tweeting" our thoughts—in 140 characters or less—via Twitter. All this online social networking was supposed to make us closer. And in some ways it has.
Thanks to the Internet, many of us have gotten back in touch with friends from high school and college, shared old and new photos, and become better acquainted with some people we might never have grown close to offline. Last year, when a friend of mine was hit by a car and went into a coma, his friends and family were able to easily and instantly share news of his medical progress—and send well wishes and support—thanks to a Web page his mom created for him.
But there's a danger here, too. If we're not careful, our online interactions can hurt our real-life relationships. Like many people, I'm experiencing Facebook Fatigue. I'm tired of loved ones—you know who you are—who claim they are too busy to pick up the phone, or even write a decent email, yet spend hours on social-media sites, uploading photos of their children or parties, forwarding inane quizzes, posting quirky, sometimes nonsensical one-liners or tweeting their latest whereabouts. ("Anyone know a good restaurant in Berlin?")
One of the big problems is how we converse. Typing still leaves something to be desired as a communication tool; it lacks the nuances that can be expressed by body language and voice inflection. "Online, people can't see the yawn," says Patricia Wallace, a psychologist at Johns Hopkins University's Center for Talented Youth and author of "The Psychology of the Internet."
But let's face it, the problem is much greater than which tools we use to communicate. It's what we are actually saying that's really mucking up our relationships. "Oh my God, a college friend just updated her Facebook status to say that her 'teeth are itching for a flossing!'" shrieked a friend of mine recently. "That's gross. I don't want to hear about what's going on inside her mouth." That prompted me to check my own Facebook page, only to find that three of my pals—none of whom know each other—had the exact same status update: "Zzzzzzz." They promptly put me to "zzzzzzz."
This brings us to our first dilemma: Amidst all this heightened chatter, we're not saying much that's interesting, folks. Rather, we're breaking a cardinal rule of companionship: Thou Shalt Not Bore Thy Friends.
"It's called narcissism," says Matt Brown, a 36-year-old business-development manager for a chain of hair salons and spas in Seattle. He's particularly annoyed by a friend who works at an auto dealership who tweets every time he sells a car, a married couple who bicker on Facebook's public walls and another couple so "mooshy-gooshy" they sit in the same room of their house posting love messages to each other for all to see. "Why is your life so frickin' important and entertaining that we need to
know?" Mr. Brown says.
Gwen Jewett, for her part, is sick of meal status updates. "A few of my friends like to post several times a day about what they are eating: 'I just ate a Frito pie.' 'I am enjoying a double hot-fudge sundae at home tonight.' 'Just ate a whole pizza with sausage, peppers and double cheese,'" says the 49-year-old career coach in suburban Dallas. "My question is this: If we didn't call each other on the phone every time we ate before, why do we need the alerts now?"
For others, boredom isn't the biggest challenge of managing Internet relationships. Consider, for example, how people you know often seem different online—not just gussied up or more polished, but bolder, too, displaying sides of their personalities you have never seen before.
Alex Gilbert, 27, who works for a nonprofit in Houston that teaches creative writing to kids, is still puzzling over an old friend—"a particularly masculine-type dude"—who plays in a heavy-metal band and heads a motorcycle club yet posts videos on Facebook of "uber cute" kittens. "It's not fodder for your real-life conversation," Mr. Gilbert says. "We're not going to get together and talk about how cute kittens are."
James Hills discovered that a colleague is gay via Facebook, but he says that didn't bother him. It was after his friend joined groups that cater to hairy men, such as "Furball NYC," that he was left feeling awkward. "This is something I just didn't need to know," says Mr. Hills, who is 32 and president of a marketing firm in Elgin, Ill. "I'd feel the same way if it was a straight friend joining a leather-and-lace group."
And then there's jealousy. In all that information you're posting about your life—your vacation, your kids, your promotions at work, even that margarita you just drank—someone is bound to find something to envy. When it comes to relationships, such online revelations can make breaking up even harder to do.
"Facebook prolongs the period it takes to get over someone, because you have an open window into their life, whether youwant to or not," says Yianni Garcia of New York, a consultant who helps companies use social media. "You see their updates, their pictures and their relationship status."
Mr. Garcia, 24, felt the sting of Facebook jealousy personally last spring, after he split up with his boyfriend. For a few weeks, he continued to visit his ex's Facebook page, scrutinizing his new friends. Then one day he discovered that his former boyfriend had blocked him from accessing his profile.
Why? "He said he'd only 'unfriended' me to protect himself, because if someone flirted with me he would feel jealous," Mr.Garcia says.
Facebook can also be a mecca for passive-aggressive behavior. "Suddenly, things you wouldn't say out loud in conversation are OK to say because you're sitting behind a computer screen," says Kimberly Kaye, 26, an arts writer in New York. She was surprised when friends who had politely discussed health-care reform over dinner later grew much more antagonistic when they continued the argument online.
Just ask Heather White. She says her college roommate at the University of Georgia started an argument over text about who should clean their apartment. Ms. White, 22, who was home visiting her parents at the time, asked her friend to call her so they could discuss the issue. Her friend never did.
A few days later, Ms. White, who graduated in May, updated her Facebook status, commenting that her favorite country duo, Brooks & Dunn, just broke up. Almost immediately, her roommate responded, writing publicly on her wall: "Just like us."
The two women have barely spoken since then.
So what's the solution, short of "unfriending" or "unfollowing" everyone who annoys you? You can use the "hide" button on Facebook to stop getting your friends' status updates—they'll never know—or use TwitterSnooze, a Web site that allows you to temporarily suspend tweets from someone you follow. (Warning: They'll get a notice from Twitter when you begin reading their tweets again.)
But these are really just Band-Aid tactics. To improve our interactions, we need to change our conduct, not just cover it up.
First, watch your own behavior, asking yourself before you post anything: "Is this something I'd want someone to tell me?"
"Run it by that focus group of one," says Johns Hopkins's Dr. Wallace. And positively reward others, responding only when they write something interesting, ignoring them when they are boring or
obnoxious. (Commenting negatively will only start a very public war.)
If all that fails, you can always start a new group: "Get Facebook to Create an Eye-Roll Button Now!"
However, there is a darker side to Facebook. It has exposed my overly sensitive nature.
I can't help it, but this is just me. As I have become older, I have gotten thicker skinned. Still it can sting a bit when someone de-friends you: one day they are there, posting updates, and you're enjoying what they write. The next day: they're gone. They've disappeared not only from your friend list, but you realize they have blocked you from even searching for their profiles to keep you from maybe refriending them sometime in the future. (God forbid!)
One lady did this to me recently. She was a "friend" from another church I had once belonged to. I see her and her husband at the grocery store all the time. I always say hello to them. When I went to that church, I always had a warm and cordial relationship with them. Well, since she isn't here among my friends any more I am left to wonder. Gee, was it something I said? Was it my breath? Does this mean I no longer have to speak to her when I see her in the grocery store?
There are also those "friends" that I have chosen to drop. I generally am long-suffering and try to understand everyone's opinions and thoughts. But occasionally there are those who espouse certain things or say stuff that cross a line that I no longer can condone. It is then I jettison them from my Facebook Family.
Finally there are those "friends" I try to connect with here at Facebook only to have them ignore me! Not once, not twice, but three times. (It took me a while to "get it.") Some of these are school friends from long ago that I would really like to know how they have been. Still others are from that other church again. Church folks can be so fickle. In one case, I took pictures at a graduation ceremony featuring one of them...and so they seem disinterested in connecting with me. Oh well. Message received. LOUD and CLEAR.
So, as I ponder these social networking sites and the state of friendship...I don't like to let FACEBOOK be the gauge of true friendship. It just doesn't seem right. Still though, I wonder about the actions of those people here. But, there are my other friends. Those are the very special friends who aren't here...who don't want to be here....and have no plans to ever be here.
I like Facebook. To me, Facebook is just a fun thing to do to unwind at the end of a busy day and get to know people better. I will continue to have a good time with it and refuse to let a few twerps rain on my parade!
Today I read a great article about this very thing on WSJ.com. I thought I would run here. It just seems appropriate in light of my little epistle.
Read it and ponder:
How Facebook Ruins Friendships
AUGUST 25, 2009, 9:26 A.M. ET
By ELIZABETH BERNSTEIN
Notice to my friends: I love you all dearly.
But I don't give a hoot that you are "having a busy Monday," your child "took 30 minutes to brush his teeth," your dog "just ate an ant trap" or you want to "save the piglets." And I really, really don't care which Addams Family member you most resemble. (I could have told you the answer before you took the quiz on Facebook.)
Here's where you and I went wrong: We took our friendship online. First we began communicating more by email than by phone. Then we switched to "instant messaging" or "texting." We "friended" each other on Facebook, and began communicating by "tweeting" our thoughts—in 140 characters or less—via Twitter. All this online social networking was supposed to make us closer. And in some ways it has.
Thanks to the Internet, many of us have gotten back in touch with friends from high school and college, shared old and new photos, and become better acquainted with some people we might never have grown close to offline. Last year, when a friend of mine was hit by a car and went into a coma, his friends and family were able to easily and instantly share news of his medical progress—and send well wishes and support—thanks to a Web page his mom created for him.
But there's a danger here, too. If we're not careful, our online interactions can hurt our real-life relationships. Like many people, I'm experiencing Facebook Fatigue. I'm tired of loved ones—you know who you are—who claim they are too busy to pick up the phone, or even write a decent email, yet spend hours on social-media sites, uploading photos of their children or parties, forwarding inane quizzes, posting quirky, sometimes nonsensical one-liners or tweeting their latest whereabouts. ("Anyone know a good restaurant in Berlin?")
One of the big problems is how we converse. Typing still leaves something to be desired as a communication tool; it lacks the nuances that can be expressed by body language and voice inflection. "Online, people can't see the yawn," says Patricia Wallace, a psychologist at Johns Hopkins University's Center for Talented Youth and author of "The Psychology of the Internet."
But let's face it, the problem is much greater than which tools we use to communicate. It's what we are actually saying that's really mucking up our relationships. "Oh my God, a college friend just updated her Facebook status to say that her 'teeth are itching for a flossing!'" shrieked a friend of mine recently. "That's gross. I don't want to hear about what's going on inside her mouth." That prompted me to check my own Facebook page, only to find that three of my pals—none of whom know each other—had the exact same status update: "Zzzzzzz." They promptly put me to "zzzzzzz."
This brings us to our first dilemma: Amidst all this heightened chatter, we're not saying much that's interesting, folks. Rather, we're breaking a cardinal rule of companionship: Thou Shalt Not Bore Thy Friends.
"It's called narcissism," says Matt Brown, a 36-year-old business-development manager for a chain of hair salons and spas in Seattle. He's particularly annoyed by a friend who works at an auto dealership who tweets every time he sells a car, a married couple who bicker on Facebook's public walls and another couple so "mooshy-gooshy" they sit in the same room of their house posting love messages to each other for all to see. "Why is your life so frickin' important and entertaining that we need to
know?" Mr. Brown says.
Gwen Jewett, for her part, is sick of meal status updates. "A few of my friends like to post several times a day about what they are eating: 'I just ate a Frito pie.' 'I am enjoying a double hot-fudge sundae at home tonight.' 'Just ate a whole pizza with sausage, peppers and double cheese,'" says the 49-year-old career coach in suburban Dallas. "My question is this: If we didn't call each other on the phone every time we ate before, why do we need the alerts now?"
For others, boredom isn't the biggest challenge of managing Internet relationships. Consider, for example, how people you know often seem different online—not just gussied up or more polished, but bolder, too, displaying sides of their personalities you have never seen before.
Alex Gilbert, 27, who works for a nonprofit in Houston that teaches creative writing to kids, is still puzzling over an old friend—"a particularly masculine-type dude"—who plays in a heavy-metal band and heads a motorcycle club yet posts videos on Facebook of "uber cute" kittens. "It's not fodder for your real-life conversation," Mr. Gilbert says. "We're not going to get together and talk about how cute kittens are."
James Hills discovered that a colleague is gay via Facebook, but he says that didn't bother him. It was after his friend joined groups that cater to hairy men, such as "Furball NYC," that he was left feeling awkward. "This is something I just didn't need to know," says Mr. Hills, who is 32 and president of a marketing firm in Elgin, Ill. "I'd feel the same way if it was a straight friend joining a leather-and-lace group."
And then there's jealousy. In all that information you're posting about your life—your vacation, your kids, your promotions at work, even that margarita you just drank—someone is bound to find something to envy. When it comes to relationships, such online revelations can make breaking up even harder to do.
"Facebook prolongs the period it takes to get over someone, because you have an open window into their life, whether youwant to or not," says Yianni Garcia of New York, a consultant who helps companies use social media. "You see their updates, their pictures and their relationship status."
Mr. Garcia, 24, felt the sting of Facebook jealousy personally last spring, after he split up with his boyfriend. For a few weeks, he continued to visit his ex's Facebook page, scrutinizing his new friends. Then one day he discovered that his former boyfriend had blocked him from accessing his profile.
Why? "He said he'd only 'unfriended' me to protect himself, because if someone flirted with me he would feel jealous," Mr.Garcia says.
Facebook can also be a mecca for passive-aggressive behavior. "Suddenly, things you wouldn't say out loud in conversation are OK to say because you're sitting behind a computer screen," says Kimberly Kaye, 26, an arts writer in New York. She was surprised when friends who had politely discussed health-care reform over dinner later grew much more antagonistic when they continued the argument online.
Just ask Heather White. She says her college roommate at the University of Georgia started an argument over text about who should clean their apartment. Ms. White, 22, who was home visiting her parents at the time, asked her friend to call her so they could discuss the issue. Her friend never did.
A few days later, Ms. White, who graduated in May, updated her Facebook status, commenting that her favorite country duo, Brooks & Dunn, just broke up. Almost immediately, her roommate responded, writing publicly on her wall: "Just like us."
The two women have barely spoken since then.
So what's the solution, short of "unfriending" or "unfollowing" everyone who annoys you? You can use the "hide" button on Facebook to stop getting your friends' status updates—they'll never know—or use TwitterSnooze, a Web site that allows you to temporarily suspend tweets from someone you follow. (Warning: They'll get a notice from Twitter when you begin reading their tweets again.)
But these are really just Band-Aid tactics. To improve our interactions, we need to change our conduct, not just cover it up.
First, watch your own behavior, asking yourself before you post anything: "Is this something I'd want someone to tell me?"
"Run it by that focus group of one," says Johns Hopkins's Dr. Wallace. And positively reward others, responding only when they write something interesting, ignoring them when they are boring or
obnoxious. (Commenting negatively will only start a very public war.)
If all that fails, you can always start a new group: "Get Facebook to Create an Eye-Roll Button Now!"
Friday, August 14, 2009
My Friend, Lily
One of my greatest friends in the whole wide world is a lady that works with me,that I will refer to as "Lily."
Lily has only worked in my office about a year and a half, but we became fast friends. We have lots of the same interests. She has young kids. I've been to her house several times...and the woman can cook like you would not believe.
She is a wonderful writer.....and avid photographer.....and just an overall sweet disposition.
This past Tuesday she was scheduled to return from her vacation. However, over the past few months she has complained with back problems. She had trouble standing and sitting. We found out Tuesday morning that she had been diagnosed with shingles.
Later on in the day, she found out that it was really worse, much worse. She has a rare form of cancer that is not treatable with chemo and radiation. She had a PT scan today...and from what I have heard...it wasn't a bad report. So they will remove the tumor and a major organ...and hopefully she will be cancer free.
Her surgery is set for this Monday. Please remember her in your thoughts and prayers.
Lily has only worked in my office about a year and a half, but we became fast friends. We have lots of the same interests. She has young kids. I've been to her house several times...and the woman can cook like you would not believe.
She is a wonderful writer.....and avid photographer.....and just an overall sweet disposition.
This past Tuesday she was scheduled to return from her vacation. However, over the past few months she has complained with back problems. She had trouble standing and sitting. We found out Tuesday morning that she had been diagnosed with shingles.
Later on in the day, she found out that it was really worse, much worse. She has a rare form of cancer that is not treatable with chemo and radiation. She had a PT scan today...and from what I have heard...it wasn't a bad report. So they will remove the tumor and a major organ...and hopefully she will be cancer free.
Her surgery is set for this Monday. Please remember her in your thoughts and prayers.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Unexpected Friends
Years and years ago, Gospel Artist Sandi Patty sang a song entitled, "Unexpected Friends." Version one appeared on her album, "Another Time, Another Place." Version two was a duet sung with Amy Grant, on Sandi's concept album, "Le Voyage."
At the time that both versions were released, I was wrapped up in kids and marriage and church and job and responsibilities. I had numerous acquaintances -- but not a lot of good friends. Growing up as an only child in West Virginia, I was constantly surrounded by cousins and other family members that consumed so much of my time. My other contemporaries were school mates, but sadly, I just never really had a lot of time for any of them. I spent the majority of my time buried in my school work. I didn't socialize much. I was very, very, VERY shy.
Perhaps it's the age thing now, but as I have grown older, I now "get it." I truly understand the necessity of having good, true, strong and solid friendships.
In the past few years as I have experienced the pain of separation, divorce, and the fact that the kids have all flown the nest to begin their own lives I can honestly say that I don't think I would have emerged as the whole and happy human being I am, had it not been for all the unexpected friends I have.
The hurts have all healed now. I am happy and content with my life....and thankful for the many blessings I have received.
Of all the blessings I've received in the past few years I have to say that my friends are the most precious. I'm only sorry that I didn't grasp the concept at a much younger age.
To those of you who have connected with me through this blog -- thank you! I am thinking of all of you this evening, for truly you are my "Unexpected Friends." This is for you!
UNEXPECTED FRIENDS
by Greg Nelson/Bob Farrell
Warner/Chapel Music, Inc.
When the dark closes in so hard I can hardly see
And the walls of my fortress of faith crumble in on me
When it seems like the end
Not a measure of strength to spend
I feel the arms of a stranger rescue me.
[A WHOLE SERIES OF LA LA LAs that I won't try to put here)
When it seems like the end
Not a measure of strength to spend
I feel the arms of a stranger rescue me.
CHORUS
With some unexpected friends
Never asking where I've been
Just a hand of mercy and words of love
Call me back again
Oh, it feels like home with unexpected friends.
A soothing balm for the wounds I suffer along the way
A fevent praying giving courage and home for another day
Though the help of my friends
Ones I may never see again
Seem like angels that were sent by Heaven to rescue me.
Repeat Chorus.
At the time that both versions were released, I was wrapped up in kids and marriage and church and job and responsibilities. I had numerous acquaintances -- but not a lot of good friends. Growing up as an only child in West Virginia, I was constantly surrounded by cousins and other family members that consumed so much of my time. My other contemporaries were school mates, but sadly, I just never really had a lot of time for any of them. I spent the majority of my time buried in my school work. I didn't socialize much. I was very, very, VERY shy.
Perhaps it's the age thing now, but as I have grown older, I now "get it." I truly understand the necessity of having good, true, strong and solid friendships.
In the past few years as I have experienced the pain of separation, divorce, and the fact that the kids have all flown the nest to begin their own lives I can honestly say that I don't think I would have emerged as the whole and happy human being I am, had it not been for all the unexpected friends I have.
The hurts have all healed now. I am happy and content with my life....and thankful for the many blessings I have received.
Of all the blessings I've received in the past few years I have to say that my friends are the most precious. I'm only sorry that I didn't grasp the concept at a much younger age.
To those of you who have connected with me through this blog -- thank you! I am thinking of all of you this evening, for truly you are my "Unexpected Friends." This is for you!
UNEXPECTED FRIENDS
by Greg Nelson/Bob Farrell
Warner/Chapel Music, Inc.
When the dark closes in so hard I can hardly see
And the walls of my fortress of faith crumble in on me
When it seems like the end
Not a measure of strength to spend
I feel the arms of a stranger rescue me.
[A WHOLE SERIES OF LA LA LAs that I won't try to put here)
When it seems like the end
Not a measure of strength to spend
I feel the arms of a stranger rescue me.
CHORUS
With some unexpected friends
Never asking where I've been
Just a hand of mercy and words of love
Call me back again
Oh, it feels like home with unexpected friends.
A soothing balm for the wounds I suffer along the way
A fevent praying giving courage and home for another day
Though the help of my friends
Ones I may never see again
Seem like angels that were sent by Heaven to rescue me.
Repeat Chorus.
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