Gay & Stressed in Huntington, West Virginia

That picture is of my hometown, Huntington, West Virginia! I spent the last week there and it was quite a week. If you are the fan of Jamie Oliver, the Naked Chef, then you are already familiar with this city. It was designated as the least healthy city in the U.S. not long ago, and he produced a reality show there to encourage a change in the city's eating habits....especially among its children.

The city is also home to Marshall University. It's football team was wiped out in 1970 in a horrific airplane crash that was told in a recent motion picture, "WE ARE MARSHALL."

I was there because Mom recently had some scans to see how she is doing and to confirm that the lung cancer she has been in remission from is in remission. Well two weeks ago, we found out that it appears to have returned. As Mom learned this news, Dad collapsed and was rushed to the emergency room. They originally thought he was suffering a seizure...or a stroke....or even possibly a heart attack. After several hours and numerous tests, thankfully it was found to be a case of dehydration.

Last Friday a week ago, mom went in for a biopsy of her lung to determine what kind of cancer it was they had discovered. In the process they punctured her lung. It collapsed and she was hospitalized for a couple of days. Dad, who has been kind of rattled by all of his cancer treatments was left alone...and I scrambled to get someone there for him.....because no one bothered to tell me until long after the fact.

Last Monday, their beloved boxer, Charlie, was put down because of his cancer. He had tumors growing in his throat, ears, rectum and left rear leg. The cancer on his rear leg ruptured causing quite a mess. He was in bad shape and he was put down. This put mom and dad both in a grand funk.

Also on Monday, dad began his cyberknife treatment, which is a concentrated dose of radiation on the spot on his lung that was the most troublesome. We won't know until a couple of weeks from now if it was effective or not.

I spent the entire week with them last week....and only returned to my home in VA today. But, that was up in the air because, yesterday Dad fainted for no reason 3 times. One of those times he fell down the front stairs of their house and landed on the concrete sidewalk at the bottom. He was totally disoriented and couldn't remembered what happened.

Mother fears the cancer has gone to his brain. We called the doctor this morning who has ordered a battery of blood work for tomorrow. (Dad refused to go to the emergency room.) He also has an MRI scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully by the end of the day, we should know something more definitive.

So, I feel like the drama never ends.

On a more positive note, I investigated gay life in Huntington, WV a bit more. While there, I did not feel like the fish out of water I normally feel like. It seems that there is a sizeable community there....the majority of which are heavily closeted. Still it's a comfort to know that there are places I can go to just mingle with like minded souls. I even found a gay affirming church....with a gay pastor....and they have annual fundraisers at one of the three gay bars in town.

Imagine that.

I also found out that I have got to learn to relax my guard more....when I'm around other single gay men. At one of the bars, (and I am NOT a bar person), in walked a beautiful man that took my breath away. He came and sat right by me and began chatting with me. Over the course of the evening I learned quite a bit about him. He's an only child....former navy man....has three kids...is 6'3" tall and is just a hunk.

We went to dinner....and chatted a number of times.....and he was interested in doing more than just sharing a meal. But when I talked to him more closely, he was very adament that he was not looking for a relationship. AH....but in spite of that...I could detect that he had a very special quality that would not take much for me to totally fall for him. TOTALLY. He kept telling me what a "hot" man I was. (This coming from a first rate stud.....5 years younger than me. WHEW!) or did I know how really "hot" I was?

It showed me that I do have the potential to fall.....very HARD.....if I can just let myself go....and not be so afraid of getting hurt or rejected in the process.

I also made friends with other men...and women..... They want me to feel welcome to come by the church or the bars anytime I am in town. They made it clear that I am one of them.

Speak of affirmation and belonging...this was certainly a good experience...and helped rejuvenate me during the time of uncertainty surrounding my parents.

Finally, as I headed home, I decided to stop for dinner at a nice restuarant in Staunton, VA. While there, I happened to run into a younger guy that I know. He's gay and has just broken up with his bf. He bent my ear while I ate dinner. He then introduced me to others at the restaurant that he works with....and then he introduced me to other patrons who are "family."

I am exhausted from all this....but I am feeling better and better about myself as a gay man. I'm just working to build up a good support system of friends and others when I need them as I journey this path with my parents.

God, make me strong.