The Fog

Back in 1980, I saw that movie, "The Fog".

It was a thriller that had ghosts haunting this seaside town in California and they would strike out of the fog.

As I recall, you never could quite see the ghosts...other than the dark forms as outlined in the fog...or their hands grabbing for their victims from out of the fog...

Somehow, today, I feel like one of those victims.

The picture accompanying today's post, although from the recent remake of the old film, pretty much illustrates my fog.

My fog is my gayness....and the ghosts are my activities from the days when I was married....happily so..... 23.5 to be exact.

One of my ghosts is named adultery. I come from a very Christian background. The wedding vows are pretty straight forward...and in 1981 I believed them with all of my heart. I worked hard to keep my vows. Of course back then, I had been advised by my pastor...among others, that all I needed to set me on the right path was a "good woman." "A hot session in bed with her," said he, would totally change me.

It didn't.

It was very foolish to even believe such a thing. I probably needed to have had my head examined to ever think, that in spite of all that I had read....and all the stories I had heard at the time, that I, "Frank the Fag" could ever beat the odds and "change."

But that's probably fodder for another post on another day.

So, despite all my best efforts...I failed miserably at keeping those vows. And like a lot of other guys in my situation, I started playing.

Play, I did.

I won't go into all the gory details.

So, now, I feel like I have the scarlet "A" on my chest. This is all because I am human and I gave in....and then I told "Lovey" about it....all in the name of honesty.

I also apologized a number of times.

Not once did she tell me to quit.... or to "choose" between her and my gayness. She seemed to accept it with great grace. I truly loved her for it. (She later emailed my mom and said that she had encouraged me to be who I was -- in case you've forgotten...that would be "Frank, the Fag.")

But, she didn't fully accept it. It ate away at her, along with a lot of other issues.

Still I'm haunted by the ghosts of adultery from out of my fog.....

I'm sure there are others...