Today, as I was reading the blogs that I keep tabs on, I came across the post by Bea. Perhaps its because I have been on edge all week....perhaps it's just because I'm becoming old and cranky....perhaps it's because I'm tired of Bible Thumpers who think they have all the answers....perhaps it's just because.
I read Bea's post..., whose husband's disclosure of his gayness to her has helped generate a ton of questions...and rocked her faith somewhat, and it made me want to jump on a soapbox. Her husband is a minister. As he has come out to her...she has joined legions of women like her in their own closets.
So, in response to her writings, I wrote the following comment on her recent post, GOING to heaven! or not?
I struggled many years trying to change and to conform to what I believed that God thought about my gayness. I went through all the change ministries. I was a member of Homosexuals Anonymous when they only had 12 steps (they are now at 14). I've prayed, fasted, cried, had demons cast out of me...considered suicide...only to finally sit back...take several deep breaths and listen to what God was saying to me.
In His still small voice, he said: "What if the way I have chosen for you is not what you have chosen for yourself? and, what if the way I have chosen for you is not what other would choose for you?"
I have never felt that God condemned me for being Gay. The only condemnation I have felt is from folks who have a pretty Pollyannaish view on life: black or white; either/or; yes/no.
Life is diverse....God made it that way. As you look around at the world you can see this concept in all aspects. Why should sexuality then be so limited?
So many times, I've looked back on my life and feel that the church....and people's interpretations...no matter how haywire....are sort of responsible for situations like mine and perhaps yours: my wife of 25 years is divorcing me.....
All this pain and suffering could have been avoided if gay people like me...and your husband could have not experienced the shame....the pressure.....the need to change -- to conform..... If only we could have been allowed to just "be".
It truly grieves me to see the Bible thumpers continuing the tradition.... Think of all the Eddy's and Frank's out there who are feeling the need to marry even now...because "that will change them"....or that they just need to get in bed with a hot woman and that will fix things....
And think of all the Bea's and Lovey's out there....who will learn in years to come....that it can't be fixed.
The pain and suffering continue...
1 comment:
Frank,
Don't know how I missed it, but just ran across this post tonight. I have to say that (despite my "pick me" post) I agree with you completely. The world would be a much better place if gay people were fully accepted and there was no such thing as having to "come out." I like the Emily Dickenson poem because of the ending - she doesn't believe in God, but is glad her parents do. I still don't know what I believe about God, but I do believe that everyone gay is wired that way. I know nothing will change Eddy. He has agonized, prayed, married a woman . . . what else could he do to try to change? And Frankly, I wouldn't want him any other way. I love everything gay about him (except that his strongest sexual drives don't include me, of course). I wish that he would accept himself and find a way to come out. I think he won't be happy until he does, but that's his therapy. In the meantime, we are still a family unit, we love each other, and are making our own kind of home. Where will it go? ???? who knows. Anyway, I am rambling, but just wanted to clarify where I stand on some things.
Bea
Post a Comment