What a very busy weekend I have had!
Friday night I visited my gay married men's group meeting. I decided to go there since it has been ages since I was there. I needed to feel the camraderie....the closeness...the bonding of being with other gay males. Even though I got there kind of late, I got to listen to a lot of the discussion...and I even was able to put my two cents worth into the mix.
The place was packed with men of every shape, size and age. All of the stories were different, but still strangely the same. Each man travels his own path....on this journey. There is no one really right way.
I then went home....and got up early the next morning to travel to another town about 100 miles away to check out a cemetery. Since photography is my hobby...I really enjoy checking out the funerary art out at some cemeteries....and some of it is really striking. I love taking pictures of the more unique tombstones or monuments. I did this with a friend and spent some time talking to him about his issues. Again....very different...but still very much the same.
I returned home and crashed.
Then Sunday morning, I met another friend for lunch...and then it ws off to a gay choral concert.
This morning, I got up....and #1 announced that I needed to get ready...we were invited to breakfast at grandma's...with "Lovey." I tried to be as gracious as possible....I didn't want to go....I figured that the less I saw of Lovey, the better of I would be until I made it past the transition.
With #1's prodding...I went. It was okay....but I didn't linger long. #1 and I had tons to do. Later on in the afternoon Lovey called me on my cellphone....to tell me some things.... I almost seemed like old times. My heart jumped to hear her voice again.... She was asking my advice about cable modems....and other computer stuff. I told her what little bit I knew. Then she told me that she was getting ready to leave.....and that she had the cat......and that she would be back in the area at the end of July.
I could feel the tears beginning to well up in my eyes... And there I stood, with #1....in the middle of The Container Store. Number 1 asked me if I was okay...."what's wrong?" she asked.
"I want so bad to protect....to jump in and fix....take charge...." I said. "But I can't do that....not now... I just wish your mom hadn't called me."
#1 put her hand around me. "it's okay Dad."
Came back home to the empty house. Davy, the cocker spaniel was elated to see me.
Bed time....
Another new week...
The first new week in my brand new life.
1 comment:
It's really hard forcing yourself to be away from someone you have shared so much of your life with. (I think it'll be a long time to get over that feeling.) These times are really going to be tough for both of you (fortunately you have #1.) Your decision to "not go there" is really a form of tough love. You do it out of love for yourself and love and respect for "lovey" because it's the best for both of you in the long run.
It's like withdrawal really.
Part of this also makes me feel like you have some guilty feelings here...as if Lovey is going to be left helpless without you.(Perhaps you should be teaching her how to fish?) Hang in there! :)
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