Today is an anniversary of sorts.
One year ago today, "Lovey" announced that she was "raw inside."
She said that she no longer loved me.
She said that she wanted a divorce.
She uttered all this at bedtime.
Thus began my year from hell. The ups and downs of the world's best roller coaster could never begin to match the ride I've been on during the past twelve months.
Although at times I feel like all this blog has accomplished has been my "whinefest." I can see substantial growth. I can see that I have come a very long way.
Even my personal physician has told me, "Frank, divorce agrees with you." She says that my body chemistry has begun changing for the better. I'm diabetic so I take a whole host of meds -- no insulin -- for a variety of ailments inlcuding blood pressure, cholesterol, and the diabetes. My sugar levels have plummeted from their norms. My cholesterol is lower than at any other time in my medical history. I'm now at 149.
My friends and family members say that I even look different. They say that I look younger.
I'm amazed.
Stress does a lot to someone like me. I spent so many years attemptiing to keep "Lovey" happy. I failed miserably, but not for lack of trying. I've now reached the conclusion that her personality type is such that I doubt she will ever find true happiness and peace.
Even the last few months before her pronouncement, I was working myself to death to install hardwood floors throughout our house. She said that she was allergic to the carpets. Literally as the last plank was set into the floor is when she announced to me her decision.
So, here I am exactly 12 months later -- somewhat different, a changed man -- yet still the same old Frank -- the same gay old Frank.
...and it's okay.
3 comments:
Frank:
I have heard similar reports of improved health from reduced stress from other gay married men after they have come out and settled their relationship with their wives. As a mater of fact, my own blood pressure started raising once I realized that I was gay and then settled into the “hiding dance” of the closet. So far the medication has been doing the job but I can see that this whole thing is causing undo stress that can not last. Congratulations on your improvements, I am sure that they will continue, and dramatically improve when you are fully on your own.
Rick
I'm glad that your health is improving.
Diabetes is quite a difficult malady to manage, especially because it does have a variety of effects on the body.
But you seem to be managing it well.
Keep on living!!! And always seek the next sunrise.
Good for you! That gives me hope for the future.
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