I Can't Get Over This...

When you’re like me, an adult male who has been to hell and back…..who grew up as a very lonely only child…..and you limited yourself rather starkly because of your internalized homophobia….it’s really quite a milestone to reach where I now am with a host of friends, a loving and supportive family (parents and children), and people who genuinely seem to enjoy my company.

Let me share some vignettes:

First, there’s my friends who invited me to go to Myrtle Beach with them. They were instrumental in getting me grounded in my church when I first started going. One of them in particular saw backward, shy, me on that first Sunday and said, “Hey, we have a group that goes out for lunch every Sunday after church. Wanna come?”

So, here I am a year and a half later…still recovering from the glorious trip I had with them.

This vacation was the best I’ve ever had.

Second, when I showed up at church this past Sunday, after having been away from it for two weeks, I found out that I was going to get a “Pie In The Eye”….it’s a big fundraiser. The three highest who have collected the most money…..and the three lowest without money in their jars get a pie in the face. Folks without money in their jars are auctioned to the highest bidder….so since I was at the very bottom….I had to endure an auction. In the end, I got socked with a chocolate cream pie… There I stood with my starched, favorite, yellow shirt….dress slacks…..and perfectly coiffed hair. Chocolate and whipped cream up my nose…in my ears……..down my neck….

Everyone got a great laugh…including me. As I was cleaning up, one of the other church members said, “This should tell you how much you’re really loved by these people, here.” And it did.

Third, when I got back from the beach this past Saturday, I was totally inundated with telephone calls from my pals from across the region…and across the country. Everyone wanting to know if I had a good time……what was it like……was the weather good…..was I in good spirits.

Fourth, another of my friends at church invited me to dinner this week to celebrate my birthday belatedly. So I said yes….and we’re going this evening to one of my favorite restaurants.

Fifth, still another of my friends invited me to dinner last night….and an evening of “Hearts”, a card game….and while we played…there was talk of yet another beach trip…this time to Delaware following Labor Day.
So, in addition to the usual suspects that I love dearly, my universe of friends continues to grow.

It almost seems to be a never ending stream of new people coming into my life. All I do is just allow myself to be me….and to be friendly…….and to be loving…..and then they are cemented into my life.

And, there is a new wrinkle….with my friends that I went to the beach with. Both of them have decided that I need a boyfriend. I like to kid them and do my best Oprah imitation by saying, I want a “HUZZZZZZBUNNNNNDDDDD.” They laugh at me. But now they are on a matchmaking quest…..and are fixing me up with a gentleman who is slightly older than me…..quite wealthy……and he’s looking for a partner.

I’m not sure what I think about all this.

But I told them that I am open to meeting the person….and sharing a meal. So we’ll see.

So, if my pals want to start matchmaking….I guess I’m okay with that. After all…my own efforts appear to be failing miserably because men aren’t exactly lined up at my door wanting to date me!

Mr. Office has been a bit quiet the last few days. I’ve stuck to my guns and haven’t tried to contact him. Although on Monday we did have a very close encounter….. Again, filled with plenty of mixed signals… BUT…in my mind, if he were truly interested, wouldn’t he make his intentions known, beyond question or interpretation?

Or am I expecting too much?

In any event, I do not have my hopes elevated.