A Tiring Day...

Today has been seriously busy...nonstop from the moment I came in.

I'm not really complaining, because I enjoy working....and keeping busy. It keeps my mind from wandering....into areas that have been known to trigger sadness....or even depression.

So, I'm staying occupied.

And dreaming of next week when I'm gone on vacation. I'm off to the beach with a gay male couple that I know from church and we're planning a VERY fun time! The resort is swanky, and I haven't been to this particular beach in 35 years. I'm excited about exploring some of the haunts I used to go to as a child. I hear that they are still in existence....so I guess I'm gonna learn about what changes happen over the course of 35 - 40 years!

When I think about it....the last time I was at this beach, I was a heck of a lot younger.... Puberty had just hit and I was all awash in male hormones. I knew that I was gay back then.....but I didn't know how to deal with it.

Now all these years and life experiences later.....I still know that I am gay.....the hormones ebb and flow.......and at times, I still don't know how to deal with it.

I have this fantasy. That one day.....some guy that has been in my life as a friend.....will suddenly wake up.......take me for a romantic walk.......or take me to a romantic dinner.......and then confess that he has deeper feelings for me than he has ever dared to share with me.

And then I melt!

Then we live happily ever after...

Isn't that silly?

I have no idea who this man is mind you..... It wouldn't take long to come up with a list of potential candidates. There's always the mystery man at church that I lhave enjoyed from afar for so very long........or the guy I work with that likes to email me.......who seems to want to do something soon...... The other guys on my list though are living thousands of miles away......or are married or are partnered already......or some combination of the three.

A good friend of mine wrote me a very sweet note today. He ended his note with: "You have friends and family who care about you and you are so genuine that I truly believe good things lie ahead for you."

I know that I do.

But sometimes I get so anxious......and want someone in my life so very badly........I forget.

Oh well....the journey continues.