Frank's Night Out

One of my friends, who has just moved to town from out west, invited me to dinner tonight. He and I have been friends for over 5 years. We met when I joined an online support group for gay married men who are also out to their wives. At the time I joined, I was in that category...and trying to make the most of it.

As I was getting started in the group, I learned that they were having their annual conference at a hotel in Baltimore. I decided to sign up for one full day -- the Saturday of the conference. Well, that turned out to be the second day after my wife announced that we were separating and gonna be divorced.

By the time I reached that meeting, I was a total wreck. This dear friend sat to my right...and he treated me like a mother hen during that meeting. He kept asking me if I were alright. Then just being there with a hand on my shoulder and telling me that it was okay to cry....that I was in a safe place...and to just breathe.

It also helped to know that he was a physician.

His kindness spoke volumes to me that day. I've never forgotten him...and we have kept in sporadic contact since. So, we were both tickled when he found out that he was moving to the DC area.

I've gotten to spend a lot of time with him...and it has just been special.

Tonight we had dinner at one of my favorite gay hangouts..... He'd never been there...but truly enjoyed it. I then suggested we spend the rest of the evening at a gay bar that features nude male dancers shaking all their "kibbles and bits." On the lower level, they feature a full drag show.

So we spent the evening there...and had a blast.

But I have to say, not only have I literally blown the house with the picket fence ...Ward Cleaver.....nuclear family ideal totally to smithereens.....but I have also trashed what used to be my image of myself as a child of God. Picture this: Frank, the fine upstanding Christian Man....from the old days......going to a gay bar.....(drinking lots of diet coke I might add)....and a huge percentage of the male dancers waving at me cheerily and calling me by name as I entered!

"Hey Frank....How are you?"

"Aw, Frank Baby....It's so good to see you!"

One of the Bulgarian dancers (a personal favorite) saw me from all the way across the room.....and he motioned for me to come over to where he was gyrating naked on his platform. As I approached....he knelt down.....gave me a big bear hug and kissed me. He told me how great it was to see me....that he had missed me......and he was so happy I was there....and he commented on how well I looked.


One of the youngest dancers, a 21 yo, commented to my friend that he and his boyfriend, (me), sure made a striking couple! My friend, went along.....thanked him.....put his arm around me....and gave me a kiss!

I nearly died.

For the rest of the evening....his arm was draped comfortably around me. He held me close....and as we drove home, he said to me...."Frank, I want you to know just how much I enjoy spending time with you!"

I smiled and replied, "I enjoy spending this time with you too!"

However, in typical Frank fashion....(I can't just have a normal relationship with someone it seems)....he is married.....and has been for 32 years. His wife knows about him....and is supportive of him having a closed loop relationship with someone -- that is, a married man who has a physical/emotional relationship with another married man...or a single gay man......who have agreed to be monogamous solely with each other. The married man is only with the man....and his own wife.

Why must this always seem so difficult?