It Just Keeps On...

I have had an interesting few months. I've done some public speaking at church where I was overcome with a lot of emotion on Christmas Eve. I talked about my life as a gay man in a straight marriage and how thankful I am that I have come such a long distance.

I've made friends with a gay male couple who live about 50 miles northeast of Washington. They come to my church and I have really grown quite fond of them. They talked to me and encouraged me on one of my "bad" days where I felt so alone. Both of them were so affirming to me. They echoed what a lot of people who know me have done. That I will make quite a catch for someone....and that I should not feel broken. They say that I have a lot going for me.

So, I keep hoping that somewhere along the way, I will meet the one who will be "him." I'm not desperate. I refuse to come across that way. But I have to tell you, there are a number of guys in my sphere of influence that I could be happy with. None of them have an inkling.

And I just keep feeling like a big chicken...because I am not brave enough to lay my cards on the table -- even the ones who are single, available, in my age range, and attractive.

My feeling continues to be why do I have to be the one to always initiate things?

I keep hoping...

Greetings All! I am Back!

Sorry it has been such a long time coming, but I have been one busy boy these last few weeks. My eldest daughter went off to The Hague, Netherlands to spend the month with her Aunt that has just moved there from Colorado. She returns tomorrow...and is thrilled beyond words to be returning to home. She has not had a super time with the Aunt, who happens to be Lovey's oldest sister. Lovey is the oldest, and this aunt is next to her in age. She means well, but comes across as selfish and grating at times. I have often quipped that she moonlighted as a part time test pilot in a broom factory to the chagrin of Lovey.

I digress.

So while the little girl has been gone, Old Dad has spent some time to himself....and actually doing some photography. One of my friends even volunteered to be my first male nude model. Don't worry, it's not those kinds of pictures. It's the kind that I have been working on and longing to do. These are actually artistic nudes. So, with his permission, I am running one here to get your feedback. He really is quite a nice guy....former military....and is struggling with his sexuality.

I have served as a friend/mentor -- nothing more. We share a passion for photography....and he really has taught me a lot and he says the same thing for me. We plan to experiment more with lighting and take some more nudes with professional lighting. So, I will see how these all turn out.

Additionally I have been dating. But then, the men I have dated all are fixated on those guys who are younger and buffer than I....so my virture remains intact.

There is, however, one man that has caught my eye....and captured my heart in the process. He has sent me some mixed messages....and I have sent him some more direct ones. But, I am not sure just where this will all lead -- if anywhere. My friends who I have discussed this all with say that I need to just lay my cards onto the table and see what his reaction is. I suppose I don't have anything to lose...and everything to gain. After all, love/attraction, etc. is a crap shoot and life is very short. Why waste time playing cat and mouse?

Right?

I just find myself feeling these incredibly strong desires to just hold him. I told one of my friends that this is not about lust...or sexual desire. Gosh, I would be happy just being able to put my arm around him and give him a squeeze....or to just hold his hand...or to just cuddle.

We will see....

Please keep your fingers crossed.

I've also included a couple of other shots of that basically sums up the theme of fall coming to Northern Virginia. Enjoy!