Brokeback and Me Part 2

Mr. Brokeback and me have had a wild ride these past 10 years.

We've gone many places together and with our children....his two, my three. My three have come to love him like their second dad. I've not been as close to his...simply because they have been rather possessive of him....and they resented my presence in his life.

His wife knows the extent of our relationship....she just chooses not to discuss it or acknowledge it. My wife knew as well....and seemed to like him. But in the end, I think it got the best of her along with a lot of other stuff.

In the early 2000s, our lives began to change. He got a new job. He got busy....really busy. He began traveling all over.....and, well, I haven't gotten to see him very much. We don't travel like we used too.....things have gotten a bit "rocky".

Still I love him.....with an undying love. I'm Jack to his Ennis.....and at times I've said things akin to "I just don't know how to quit you..."

But, I've still hung around. Letting him know that I love him.....letting him know that things haven't changed in my mind.

All this....even though I know that he will never partner with me unless something drastically changes for him. He's too committed.....and as Mr. Responsibility, he's just totally wrapped up in what he has to do or what is expected of him...professionally and personally.

My divorce has added a new dimension to his and my relationship. It's made me more available....and sadly, it's made him less available. This is probably due to the fact that he's afraid that his wife may become upset if he spends too much time with me.

So, it's always something.....the men in my life that tend to mean something are never fully available.

Am I destined to be a "left over" all my life?

For now I am content....but then what?