To Kevin!

Thanks for your comment to my last post. We still have more in common: I turn 50 next May also! If you can, please take a few moments and drop me a note offline at the.phoenix@cox.net. I'd like to share some additional insights I have about trolls...that would probably be of encouragement to you!

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To my other readers:

I just found another blog that has totally wiped me out emotionally. It's written by a woman, who is very involved in her church. She was married to a man "who struggled with unwanted same sex attractions."

In blogs that I come upon, I start at the beginning and read forward....so this is what I did in this case.

It also included entries of the husband vowing his love for his wife.....her opinions as to how he had "changed"....etc. I wanted so badly to ad comments to the older entries by simply asking the question: "Is it change or is it repression?"

As I came closer and closer to the present, I sensed a change in this idyllic relationship. Then, something happened.

It all came unglued.

They divorced.

It was all so very sad.

The saddest part being, that because he yielded to his true nature...he's now considered "lost" from God. He has a new partner. They're buying a house together and he's going on about his life.

She grieves some....and is planning to move out of state. In her current writings there is a slight tone (at least that's what I'm reading) of self-righteousness.

This blog has really bothered me...and I'm not sure why.

Is it because I'm in the closet of hope for someone to be genuinely delivered from this? (I've not met anyone yet.) Is it because of the way the husband was treated as a lost soul? Is it because I'm jealous that he and her have a friendly relationship? or is it because I am jealous that this guy only started divorc eproceeding in August of last year......the divorce is final........and he now has a live in partner?

We are such complicated creatures. At times, like now, I run out of energy just trying to figure me out.

I just don't know what makes me operate as I do or what makes me feel like I do.

On another front, my son the marine is home. I picked him up in Richmond last night. Brokeback drove, and we got to spend some time together! I got home around 2am....into work by 7:30. What a day!