Comfort Zones

Today was a quiet Father's Day.

It's probably the most quiet one I have experienced in the 23 years of my being a parent...and it was the first one I have celebrated alone.

All of my kids are gone.

But I did hear from ALL of them and they are happy and doing well.

Even the marine is doing good and is expecting to come spend some time with the "old man" during the week of July 4.

So, that's cool.

Today I did one of those things that I don't like to do. I went beyond my comfort zone and and did some reaching out.

Let me describe in greater detail.

I got to church really early this morning because I was asked to serve communion. This was the first time that I have done something like this in a ton of years. It felt SOOOO good. It was a powerful experience and it felt really good to minister to people. I smile so much at this church now, that when I come home, my jaws are tired!

But I'm being honest when I say this. It is such a relief to be authentic...and not feel like someone is going to take their Bible and hit you across the face with it, just because you happen to be queer. What a relief.

After church I mingled. I do enjoy this part of things too...because I've made some very dear friends and it means a lot to look them in the eyes and tell them just how much I love them and then wrap them in a big bear hug.

For the past few Sundays, there has been a new guy attending. He is such a beautful man. Let's refer to him as blonde buff guy! (BBG) Oh, if I let myself, I could be swept away. ..and fall completely in love. He is definitely trophy husband material. I understand through the grapevine that he is single. (Why, I don't know.) I also know that there is a gentleman who has already been quite aggressive with him in terms of making his interests be known, but I also have heard that this aggression is being quite a turnoff to this man.

I've decided that there are a number of things that I never want to be accused of at my church.

I don't ever want to be accused of being one of those old trolls that hit on every new attractive guy that walks in the door. It is my belief that I come to church to fellowship with my friends and fellow believers. I'm a genuinely loving, giving and gentle person.

I never want to be accused of having a hidden agenda. I have no agenda. So I just want to be accepted at face value.

Finally, I don't want to be seen as being a desperate old troll...hitting on anything that moves. I have some standards actually. Besides, I still have Mr. Brokeback, who is very much trophy husband material himself. I'm quite content with having him in my life....it's just that he is not available 24/7. This could all change one day...but for now...it's just not happening.

Which brings me back to BBG.

I made myself go over and chat with him. He was friendly. We were both approached about being on the welcoming committee and helping with being greeters. He and I both agreed to do it. So we'll see how that goes.

But then, I took the scary step of writing down my name, my email address and my cellphone number. I invited him to call me up sometime. I told him that since he was new to the area, I know all the cool places to eat and would be delighted to have his company.

He smiled...nodded and thanked me. He said he would.

So, I'm leaving it there. No fuss. No muss. I'm not going to be chasing after him, or pining after him.

This reminds me of how sadly inexperienced I am in the art of dating. My wife was the first person I ever dated and we ended up married for 25 years. And now we see how well that all turned out don't we?

Today I went way out of my comfort zone. I probably will never hear anything from this guy because guys that look like him, rarely are interested in men that look like me.

This is hard.